Empty nester who never flew
Hi, this is my first post, it's 4am because I have chronic insomnia. But I'll probably be able to go back to sleep in about an hour, I usually do.
I got married because I was 32 and tired of being alone. Then I had a baby because I thought I had a partner. But he went to work and I was in the house far from my friends, taking care of the house and the child and trying not to lose my mind. I told myself that when she grew up I would have a life, get good work, that my purpose would come out like the sun shining light on the world. I never expected a traditional life to be satisfying for me, but it took up so much of my time and energy that I never developed the rest of myself. When my daughter went to college I discovered that I couldn't remember how to live. When I talked to my husband about the life I want he said "I'm not like that," so now I know for sure that I've spent half of my life with someone who isn't a partner. I have things I like to do, and I am willing to do them alone, but I'm disappointed at how everything about adulthood seems to be about being alone, just like so much of my childhood. I'm nearly 60 and have never had the connection and community and purpose that I spent my childhood dreaming of. Sometimes I connect with people but their lives are busier and more full than mine, so they don't have interest in building a life together. I've connected with some people via an online class, we are building community there, maybe that's all I will get, but I still dream of one day having people to work with and make a life with in person.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. 😊 It's felt good to write this out.
@SensitiveSpruce4756
First of all, I would like to congratulate you for your first post here and for reaching out! This shows strength and courage!
It is hard to accept that life does not happen the way we pictured it out when we had so many hopes. I am so sorry to hear that you never had the connection to others you wanted as a child and neither as an adult. You seem to have focused on your home situation and spend your energy on making sure things are going okay and your daughter gets a good education but forgot yourself in the process. Coming to the realization that your partner actually has different ideas about life can be almost like a shock after years of marriage. I can understand that you want more from life than maybe staying at home but rather want to do something together with others, maybe also something that gives you meaning.
I hope that coming here will make you feel being part of a community and that with time you will also find people in your physical life to connect with. Taking online classes sounds great! Joining groups of particular interests like art and craft, wellness or volunteering somewhere can be great opportunities.
This is a link to a self-help guide about sleeping well https://www.7cups.com/sleeping-well/.
I hope to see you more often in the forums.
@SensitiveSpruce4756
You are not alone many of us find similar things out like you have. The reality is as life goes on the person we wake up to when we have our empty nest may no longer be whom we thought they were or deeper thought we are no longer whom we once were.
It is hard to find a person or even a group of friends to build a new community with as we all came to this cross roads from different experiences. This is time for us to bloom where we are. If someone is lucky they can appreciate us.