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SensitiveSpruce4756
1 107 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 20, 2024
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Empty nester who never flew
50 & Over Community / by SensitiveSpruce4756
Last post
 5 hours ago
...See more Hi, this is my first post, it's 4am because I have chronic insomnia. But I'll probably be able to go back to sleep in about an hour, I usually do.  I got married because I was 32 and tired of being alone. Then I had a baby because I thought I had a partner. But he went to work and I was in the house far from my friends, taking care of the house and the child and trying not to lose my mind. I told myself that when she grew up I would have a life, get good work, that my purpose would come out like the sun shining light on the world. I never expected a traditional life to be satisfying for me, but it took up so much of my time and energy that I never developed the rest of myself. When my daughter went to college I discovered that I couldn't remember how to live. When I talked to my husband about the life I want he said "I'm not like that," so now I know for sure that I've spent half of my life with someone who isn't a partner. I have things I like to do, and I am willing to do them alone, but I'm disappointed at how everything about adulthood seems to be about being alone, just like so much of my childhood. I'm nearly 60 and have never had the connection and community and purpose that I spent my childhood dreaming of. Sometimes I connect with people but their lives are busier and more full than mine, so they don't have interest in building a life together. I've connected with some people via an online class, we are building community there, maybe that's all I will get, but I still dream of one day having people to work with and make a life with in person.  Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. 😊 It's felt good to write this out. 
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