Chat rooms - not for the faint of heart?
Phew! Is it just me, or do you sometimes feel that the chat rooms are not for the faint of heart? It seems like the Wild West in some of them at times. Lol. I've actually had some really nice chat room experiences, but--and I can't believe I'm saying this--have felt the last week or so as though I'd like a chat room for the older, quieter folk. (And, at 50, I can't believe I'm calling myself "older, quieter" folk, lol). You see, I made it a goal today to "practice connection" since I have a tendency (introvert) to isolate, but the seas are rough today ...
Anyway, just taking a break in the 50s forum before I dive back into the fray ... Thanks for listening. 
I'm so relieved to see this thread! I thought I was the only one who felt out of sync with the chat rooms. Usually I can't figure out what the conversations are about. Maybe it's a matter of stepping in at just the right time. In the meantime, I'll stay in the outskirts. This is all new to me, so one step at a time!
@DeeBee123 Definitely not alone. :-) I think you described it perfectly--stepping in at the right time. Reminds me of trying to find that right moment to step into one of those revolving doors. Lol. As a kid, I was terrified of them. I've found it's about 50/50. About half the time, I have a great chat experience, and the other half, it's just not the right day for me to participate. Good luck, and feel free to come back here and catch your breath any time. 
Hello everyone. New here, but don't understand navigation in this app at all. I'm 56 disabled. Took my first test said I was sad. Lost my mom two years ago, so not a happy time for me at all. Was just looking for like minded people, I guess.
Just joined this Forum - I am a listener and 52 and restarting my career from teaching to counselling. I dug my heels in wanting to stay in the 40's but now I am here (2 years in) I'm beginning to appreciate being in my 50's. SO much to do so no time to waste - apart from an afternnon snooze in the weekends!
@LukeMOC - Hello, and welcome! My transition to the 50s was this year, and a lot of things have come together in the perfect storm of making me feel O L D. Hoping the rough entry will ease out in the coming year or two.
@friendlyChestnut4964
meeee tooooo!
I can't seem to find a chat room for those of us older folks. I tried one room....my gosh. It was people bashing others, fighting, sexting, asking for $. RIDICULOUS. I came to this site thinking there were people here to help each other, offer compassion and talk about issues that we struggle with. I've tried a couple of listeners, but that seemed worthless. They simply rephrase and parrot back to you. Aside from therapists, is there any way to connect with someone to help me? I'm using a phone app and apparently not all site functions are available. Thanks for any tips/pointers
@optimisticBunny6163 - I know what you mean. I have had a few positive chat room experiences, but it really depends on the luck of the draw. I've found more encouragement from just posting in forums. It isn't real time, but it still can help. Feel free to keep posting on this thread. :-)
@friendlyChestnut4964
Thank you. I'm really struggling. I have no family and my friends are no where near me geographically. I talk to some friends online on occasion, but most people are so absorbed in their own day to day lives that they can't offer much support. I live in a rural area and there are virtually no doctors, therapists or counselors. I tried one counselor, but it was not a good fit. Her primary function is as a court ordered counselor for drug addiction. Not my issue at all.
@optimisticBunny6163. I'm sorry. I've struggled with having connections/support, too. Sometimes you just want a sympathetic, listening ear.
@optimisticBunny6163
I too tried to connect with a listner and had a good connect with one and not the other. I too am struggling with a recent breakup and I am shattered, I've lost all sense of trust. I was completelyopen and our relationship was good but fell apart over 9 months of living together.
@MajorGiles
I moved in with my boyfriend almost two years ago. It's been very rough. He lied about so much before I got here. But once I moved it was too late. I had gotten rid of most of my furniture, spent all my money, and moved to another state where I know no one. He's bipolar and an alcoholic. He wasn't working when I moved in but had $ from an inheritance. Unfortunately, he spends it all on booze and his bills were delinquent. I helped him get the bills paid. I bought things for him and the apartment. I supported him emotionally. I have helped him in every way possible. That's what you do for loved ones. I've stuck by him even when people told me to dump him. Again, if it was a brother or your child, you don't give up on them because they have an illness. But now he is getting hateful. He's never been one to do things for me....even simple things. But now he seems to make it a point to do things that he knows will.hurt me. Because of the bipolar and alcoholic mix, there is no talking sense to him. He never sees his behaviors as the problem...only how I react to being hurt. He says we are over. Frankly, I know that would be better for my sanity (if not my heart) but I am stuck. I have no $ to move, no one to help me move, and can't even find a place to rent because I have a dog. And no, I will not give up my dog. She is my only family and she is not long for this world at age 13. I am just so lost. I need someone to rescue me. Not in a romantic sense
@optimisticBunny6163 I feel your pain all too well, my X, could have had anything she wanted within reason. Luckily I saw the path we were on and stoped myself from buying her a car, or even giving her my Cadi. As for moving I would have moved for her to her dream city of New Orleans, but again I saw warnnig signs. So I did not persue an application I had put in with New Orleans. But I can help myself, I loved her to pieces, but she hurt me more than anyone else has. I choose to be bluntly honest with her and she ended up stelling out on me. With a low life looser, in my opinion, but the truth hurts. So here I am hating myself for being stupid and now of course alone.
@optimisticBunny6163 Damn right keep the dog, I am sorry to hear of your troubles with the alcoholic and mental issue. My X also had mental issues but refused to seek help, as she thinks she knows better. How stupid am I, for thinking I could help.
@MajorGilres
Because we are good people and want to do the right things. I'm sorry you were put in that position, but glad you realized things weren't as they should be before you got in even deeper. Yes...... feeling used and stupid here as well. Just needing help.
@optimisticBunny6163
Wowzerz, I'm afraid that you will get hurt. I was in that situationbefore, and thanks to Codependents Anonymous I learned that nothing was worth being treated that way. I left EVERYTHING I owned I took a bus to a different state and just started over again. Please, at least talk to a social service organization.
@amarifey
Thank you for that. I'm hurting, but only emotionally. I left a violent marriage previously. Took basics and escaped to another state. That was a case where safety was a concern. This is my sanity and emotional well being at stake, but I'm so lost right now that I honestly don't think anything matters. Truly the only living being on this planet that would be affected by my nonexistence would be my dog. She's not long for this world so when she's gone, I will be truly alone in what this life has left for me. Such a hard concept to grasp as we, in most cultures, are raised to think and believe that we will always have caring people around us.
Evening all. Well morning for me.
Just been reading and then skimming through the posts. I get your concerns about being over 50 and personally am happy to go to 35+ altho if any of you just want to chat to someone 50+ my door is always open (well AEST - I do need sleep :P )
Like @LunaHecate said if any of you want to dip your toe in the 35+ pool just let us know and one of us will go in too.
I did find it daunting at first as it was obvious they all knew each other but in time they got to know me and I them. The same can be said for a lot of chat rooms. They are a friendly bunch but tbh everyone has bad days and I'm sorry if any of you went in at those times.
Again, just let me or any of the other 35+ team know (yes i like volunteering people :) ) and someone should be able to go in with you.
Have a great day or night all.
Just a question. What are the requirements to get into the chat room for 35 +? And why?
@Lauren63 the following are the requirements to unlock the room
Helping Hand for completing 200 group chats and earning 600 compassion hearts
Supportive Smile for completing 50 group chats and earning 150 compassion hearts
Friendly Face for completing 100 group chats and earning 300 compassion hearts
Wise One for completing 500 group chats and earning 1500 compassion hearts
Once the room is unlocked it will show up on your list of Group Chats
@caringPanda45. But why? That was the question. Is there a reason to need badges and chats? And what is it? What is the reason?
@Lauren63 The room became locked about 2 years ago to reduce the problems that were happening with all and sundry coming in. A lot were causing problems so it was locked to keep them out.
Personally I think there should be a facility to allow those over the age automatic entry based on birthdate. Not sure if they can.
Follow up question. What about people (me) who dont talk too much. Not because we dont want, its hard for some of us(me).
@Lauren63 hi
I'm not a big talker but found talking on the internet or here in 35+ a lot easier to open up because of the anonymity and lack of judgement. I started out slow and over time have been able to open up more. Also helping others struggling with similar issues helped me open up more.
I hope you feel you can, now or in time. I suppose if you think about it it is similar to real life, where we don't open up completely to a stranger but once we feel comfortable with them we can.Unlike real life I find I open up to more here as i said before because of the anonymity and non-judgement and also the understanding that life isn't easy for various reasons. some of those reasons our friends and family don't or can't understand.
Sorry to be so long-winded but hope it helps. Look forward to seeing you around.
Since penning my above post about being happy going into 35+ I've thought about it and talked to others.
Admittedly, those I talked to didn't think there were many 50+ and I mentioned that I've seen there are more than I realised as most of the names here I hadn't seen in 35+.
One of the problems with 35+ is the number a lot younger than 35+ coming into the rooms and some are disruptive and others are just seeking help. I've noticed some on this thread concerned that issues particular to 50+ aren't dealt with or discussed. Well they are sometimes but do get lost.
This made me think about how having a 50+ group chat isn't such a bad idea. There will be younger people but less likely to be under 35. There are issues particular to 50+ but can also be felt or suffered by 35+ and I would think they'd be welcome too.
Just my thoughts on the matter.
Have a good day or night all!
@caringPanda45 and one advantage would be a slower chat for members to get to know each other better so when the pace picks up we can all cope :)
@caringPanda45
I agree entirely with your post. If you end up doing the legwork, let me know if you need any help.
So what? Im not following. If I dont do other group chats, I cant be a part of the 35+ ?
@Lauren63 you have the minimum compassion hearts required. If the room isn't coming up on your list then yes you will need to do more group chats. The minimum is 50.
@caringPanda4 so I need to talk where I dont want to be to be where I want to be? Thats not right.
@Lauren63 a good way of building this up is to see if there is a discussion on you can attend and participate and won't take long to get the requirement.
From memory it is 5 msgs per chat.
@caringPanda45 no dumb rule, keep being exclusive.
@Lauren63 so I need to talk to people I dont want to to talk to people I want to. Is that correct?
@Lauren63 35+ was created to help those with issues younger members aren't yet experiencing. The room was locked due to members not being able to discuss those issues AND the discussions could be more adult because of those issues and not for younger members.
I do think like @CaringPanda45 said that it would be good if people could be allowed immediate access based on their birthdays.
@scarletLand3247I was asking questions, not criticisms. Im sorry if I offended anyone. Take care.
@Lauren63 sorry was trying to explain without saying a lot sorry if it came across as offended.
@scarletLand3247 There are no open chat rooms. So I can never be apart of the 35+. chat room. You have a good day.
@Lauren63
If you do ever get inclined to want to get into 35 +, the simplest and easiest way is to attend a few discussions in other rooms. You'll have the points and badges you'll need in no time. If there is a topic of interest for you, I'd be willing to look into getting a discussion organized and try to find a time that works well for you.
If not, no biggie either.
And I think I get what you are trying to say about the 35 + groupchat. No harm, no foul. Keep at it.
@DaveMcGrathso you arent deleting this? Leave me alone I was only asking.
@Lauren63
Not everything needs deleting and I was only offering.
OK made a suggestion to a member about building up their group chats to be able to enter 35+. If anyone else has this problem let me know and I'll try and find a quiet room so we can all chat to build up your stats.
@caringPanda45 it will have to be later as I have to head off to a meeting and will be back in about 3 hrs.
