My literature venting piece

Hello! I'm kinda new so I don't know quite well how this works. A while ago I was having a discussion about how I cope with mentally triggering stuff and I realized that I always write something about it like books, literature, song, poems etc. And I went to my most recent literature text and it was about a heartbreak. So I decided to share it. It's a little long (1090 words) but I would really appreciate it if you took some of your time to read it. Thank you for your patience and have a great day:

As I stared at you leaving, I knew that the color you took with you wouldn’t return. It is the first day after grieving your absence. That sounds funny, mourning someone still alive. But it was a mourning for the life we had, for the moments and memories that now lay in the past. Well, what can I say? Life is just a series of goodbyes in disguise. I wonder if you’ll remember me lovingly and think back to our time together with a heavy heart, or if you’ll simply move on with your life, as if nothing changed. I wonder if you’ll be able to forget me, like everybody else did, or if my memory is etched into your heart. Maybe it’s better this way, if you forget me. Everyone else who did seemed fine, and hopefully so will you. Will you grieve for me when I’m gone? Will you know when I pass? It’s just a part of life, a constant transition of goodbye and good luck. But there are some people who never forget those they love, even after they’re gone. They might grieve for years, but they never forget the wonderful memories they created together. Maybe it’s better this way, if you never forget me. That way, I’ll always be with you in your heart. But it doesn’t matter. Because I now see a world without color, shape, purpose, future, happiness, love. But don’t worry! I’m pretty sure that if you just look close enough, you’ll find the rainbow in the clouds! Like you always did, even with me! You always saw the good in me, even if I was the worst person on the planet! It feels like I’m suffering from a constant cold, one you used to cover with your blankets every night. My face is too painful to look at now, since you used to kiss it and look at it, calling me your love all the time. There is no food worth eating and I cannot sleep because my head is too loud. I wasn’t familiar with loudness when I was with you. You covered my ears so I wouldn’t get scared in loud places. When I was down, you hugged me tight, but now my tears look like scars covering my face. Why did you leave? I want you here. I’ll miss you. My little sister will be looking for you each time she hears your name. How will I explain to her what happened? I don’t have the heart to do so. My hands are shaking, my heart is hurting, and my words can’t come out right. The atmosphere is heavy today, don’t you think? Maybe I was assigned to carry yours, too. Maybe that’s why you flew away from me. Birds that lose a mate may go through a long period of mourning before finding a new one. During this mourning period, the bird may fly constantly or call out loudly in search of its lost mate. I guess that’s what I’m doing now too. I remebre your promice, to always stay with me, until the end of time to sing me songs and hold me when I’m about to fall. You promised that we’d fight together and that you’d help me bind my wounds when they bled, but now all my badnades have turned red and you aren’t here to help! You promiced to keep me safe but now I am on my knees begging god for mersi, to stop the pain! I wish I had never met you, kissed you, or fell in love with you, but now each time I look at your pictures, I cry a sea of tears. And you promiced to always come back to me but you didn’t and now you’re gone and I’m scared and cold. The cat is hungry waiting for you to feed her and the roses you planted in our gadren are dying, along with your memory! Why did you leave me? I thought you were different! I thought you were the one who would stay and never break my heart, but you were just like any other. You said you’d always be here for me, but you left and never looked back. I guess I should have known better. I trusted you, gave you my all, and you still chose to leave, leaving me with only broken promises and a broken heart. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. I mean look at me! There is no hope in me, maybe you will be happier if you are like the reast. Why does this always happen? You used to be different. You were hurt like me and stayed away from everyone so it never happened again. The right people are difficult to find, we used to say. We only have each other in the whole world, we would think. Your world now is filled with people you love, who you used to be hard to find and I’m not even one of them. We had matching wounds, but yours healed while mine has never been worse. Did you only ever love me to heal yourself? Maybe that’s why everyone leaves me after a while. They come for treatment, not love. Did everyone just act like they cared? I don’t want to talk right now. No, I’m not okay. Yes I’m trying, stop talking, stop asking, gosh my head is so loud! I can’t think straight! Will everyone please leave me alone? I can’t stop, my head is taking the best of me. My mouth keeps moving, my tears keep streaming and my chest feels tight. I’m tied down. I hope someone notices, or maybe not. What will I say? You died in my eyes, but earth can still hear your footsteps wandering around. Do I even exist to you now? My heart aches like it’s been through a storm. I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. I just want it all to end. It’s like my life has been ripped away from me and I am left with the pieces that can never fit back together again. I don’t know how I’m gonna keep on leaving. All I know is that nothing will ever be the same. It hurts to let you go, even though I did long ago. I knew we wouldn’t last, so why am I in tears now? I want to sleep but my eyes won’t close. Maybe they’re worried my tears will drown them. But don’t worry! It’ll all stop, right?

What do you think of it? Do you relate at all? What do you do to calm down after something mentally exhausting?