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Hello! I hope you all have a great day! I have been writing a book and this is the best chapter I've written based on a real story. I want to know what you think of it! So here it is!:
Dear Diary,
Death has always been a dear subject. Ever since he was introduced to me, I have always been close to him. I like thinking of death as a sweet man who is just doing his job, trying to save people from all the suffering of life. Every lost person I meet is a sign that he’s watching over me. The reason why I believe that, is because the ones he takes are the ones that were gonna hurt me one day. Just like my grandma.
My grandma was a strict woman. She loved her family, but she had a special way of showing it. During my childhood, me and my cousin used to spend our days together at my grandma’s house, playing and laughing all day long. Every afternoon, our grandma would bake us all kinds of goodies and we would eat every last bit of them. When I was four years old, my cousin, Marilyn, went to elementary school. So every day after we got home, while I was playing with my dolls, Marilyn studied with my grandma. But whenever she made a mistake, my grandma screamed and yelled at her. Even though I couldn't see what was happening, I could hear my cousin's cries and that terrified my four year old self. She wasn't a bad person. She always apologized at the end and Marilyn's grades made everything worth it. She wanted Marylin to be like Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest person on earth. She gave her this name in hopes that her granddaughter would follow in her footsteps. My grandma really admired Marilyn vos Savant and had all of her books. But because of how serious she was about it, I was terrified when it was time for me to start elementary school. I begged my dad to me let stay home but that wasn’t a choice I could make. A few days before my first day of school, my grandma died. I didn’t know if it was a coincidence, but I felt relieved.
The pain of losing someone was new to me. I didn't cry, I never mourn her and the shame of not acknowledging all the love she gave us all these years, makes the pain of the dead ,that I carry, even more difficult to bear. I wasn’t a good granddaughter. That’s when I meet death. In my eyes, he had saved me from her, and ever since then, he keeps doing that. Even though, I'm not sure if death following me around is a blessing or curse, I've felt nothing but shame for the pain this has caused to the world. For me, this way of thinking, is a way to ease the suffering that comes with the guilt of killing people. In the end, it is my fault death is coming after them, instead of me, and I am entirely responsible for that. I never let them be forgotten, though. Every night, I pray for them until my knees ache and my eyes water. But ever since She left, death has been getting closer to me. Do you want them to get forgotten, dear diary? I beg you, allow them to live on in people's memories. Don’t let them disappear the same way I will soon.
Angel is a unique name. Angels are meant to be kind. Two of them came to me, the kindest of all. Five years ago, I met the first one. I ran to the nearest park, crying, after a fight with my friends. Despite never being close to these people, everyone told me to befriend them. I knew, deep down, that I didn’t belong with them. They made fun of me and the things I liked, so I couldn't be myself when I was with them. When I confronted them, they kicked me out of the group, and that was devastating. After all these years of dedication to them, they throw me off, along with all our memories, like I was nothing. I was 12, and tears were the only thing I had. I was sitting there all alone when suddenly, this boy came out of the blue. He had blond hair and nice, dark green eyes. That is the first thing I noticed. The boy slowly approached me and sat next to me. He gave me a piece of cloth, to wipe my tears away, and introduced himself. His name was Angel, and he was my age. He said that he didn’t have any friends because of his name. People thought it was weird. Unlike them, I liked it. In spite of all these overwhelmingly big and flashy names, I felt calm when I heard his name. Being near him was nice, so we became friends. We hung out almost every day, and life seemed to be settling down.
One day, while we were sitting in our usual spot, he revealed something to me that I had never thought I'd hear him say. He told me about his family and how they never supported his decisions. Because of it, he had no friends growing up. He never communicated well with people, which made his social skills poor, but they were no worse than mine! Among all the other things he said that day, I could only focus on one. In his words, I was the only friend he ever had. He believed he could count on me, and he was very happy I had come into his life. I didn't think about it back then. Simply put, I am selfish. But, looking back, I can now recognize that my actions had serious consequences for those around me. All I could think about was his trust. People always told me I couldn’t be trusted because I was self-centered. But after he told me all those things, I felt special. It was as if my heart would burst at any moment. Having found someone with a golden heart like his made me really proud of myself. It was our “One-week friendship anniversary”, so I bought him some ice-cream to cheer him up and he seemed to be doing much better.
Turning my head to look at the trees, I enjoyed the cool air blowing against my face and didn't care about anything else. As long as he's with me, everything's going to be okay, I thought to myself. I was caught off guard when I felt something touching my hand and turned to see what it was. Angel had shoved his face into my ice cream! Trying to figure out what he was doing, I stared blankly at him. His eyes were full of mischief when he saw my expression. I looked down at the sticky ice cream that was now covering both of our hands and couldn't help but smile. We laughed and laughed about it for a long time, making jokes that made it even funnier. That ice cream wouldn't have lasted for long, but that laugh will live on in my heart for eternity. This was the last time we ever saw each other.
It was 1am on the 4th of December when I received a message. I was sleeping, so I hadn't noticed it. 5th of December, 7am in the morning, I headed to Angel's house to check on him. The message I received the night before was his. When I arrived at his house, my blood froze. People were crying hysterically. A police car and an ambulance were also present, and another one had just arrived at the scene. People's eyes were filled with fear, and my feet felt as if they had been nailed to the ground. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I could sense that something was not right. I was startled when a woman aprouched me and asked me if I was Angel's friend. I wasn't prepared to hear what she was about to say. It was half past one in the morning, when Angel killed himself. In his thirteen years, instead of dreaming about the future, he chose to take his own life. At the prime of his life, when he was supposed to be happy and carefree, he had the need to leave. He cut his veins and died watching the red liquid spreading across the floor, causing him to suffer in agony until time stopped. He thought he had found the only way out, but unfortunately he was wrong. Ιnstead of finding peace, his family are now left grieving his death and struggling to understand why.
Hearing the news tore me apart. My heart was shattered. I got lost in my thoughts as I tried to bring in my head all the things he did for the last time before leaving this world. Imagine him eating his last meal, walking to school, speaking to his family and doing something he loved, for the last time. Sending the last message he ever sent, saying the last words he ever spoke, taking his last breath. The message I received the night before was his. I looked at it and began reading. “Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I didn't want to hurt you or anyone else! And I'm sorry I left you that way, and I wish I could have been a better friend to you. The love I have for you will never fade. And as long as you live and breathe on this planet, our bond will never be broken! I will never forget the memories we created together and will forever be close to you. I hope you can forgive me and I want you to know that I care about you deeply. No matter what, I will always love you. And when it's time for you to come here, we'll reunite again, my friend. I hope you find peace and happiness in your life and I wish you the best. I will never forget you and will always love you." I couldn't hold my tears any longer. Then he added, "But hey, at least you don't have to worry about me eating all the ice cream when you're not looking!" A smile appeared to my face effortesly. The text ended and his time was finished. His last sentence was like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day - it provided a moment of relief, even if it was just a fleeting one. How could this have happened? And how did I not read the signs and do something? It was my fault for not taking action to prevent this! Knowing what I knew, why couldn't I be more useful? Everything looked dark, as if nature was starting to fade away. Was that what dying felt like?
I didn't go to school that day. I couldn't ignore the thoughts that filled my head. Is it someone's fault? I don't know, but that shade of red is where we're all heading anyway. Would a couple of years make a difference? The experience is similar to being stuck in quicksand. The more you struggle to be freed, the deeper you sink into despair and darkness. You feel helpless and helplessly watch yourself sink, hoping someone will throw you a rope to pull you out. I couldn't be that person for him. But if love is what keeps us alive, why couldn't I save him? Despite living with his parents all his life, they could not do anything. But I could, even if I only knew him for a week. Albert Einstein once wrote: “Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.” If only I could have become his smile, his heart, his hope, I might have been able to fill in all the missing pieces. I wish it was me instead of him.
Thank you for reading this far! I hope you like it! What do you think of it? Does it stand a chance if I publish it? Leave me a comment! Have a great day!