relationship mess
I'm a private person and so even writing a post about my relationship is very hard for me. I've been in a committed relationship for over 15 years. Over the past 4 years we have really grown apart, drastically. We don't communicate well anymore, argue daily and our life goals have just changed. When we fight it is very uncivil and painful - verbally abusive. We try to talk after cooling down, agree to try to be better, but then the cycle just repeats itself with an argument the next day. I want to change this situation. Want things to be better so badly. I want a partner. Someone who loves and supports me. As I am typing this, I realize that this person whom I've been committed to for so long really doesn't support and stand up for me when it matters. It's tremendousfully hurtful. How do people decide to separate after so many years? I don't want for someone else, I don't wish for a better partner. I just want peace and to be alone.
@Bingo14 What a tumultuous situation! That must be really draining on both of you. Relationships are so difficult. I hope you're able to work together to a solution. <3
So this yo-yo my Wife and I just figured out how to end. First off... you cannot put any emotions into it. Stone cold...but nice and never without love. You are being cold because you love them and you deserve better than what's being offered. 1. Belief- you have to have a core. You are you and you need to love and accept you. 2. No expectations- you can't expect anything in return for your efforts. Those act as ultimatums and know you are not in control of the other person. Don't give them rules and regulations. 3. No judgment- only you control you and only God can judge others... take the mote out of your own eye first. 4. Both have to do this... 5. Once you know you accept you are 50% of the problem, you can then work on your issues. There are boxes or labels for things.. I don't like them as they give a name to a symptom of the real problem. Example my box is I'm a narcissist and my wife is codependent. Both may be true, but so what... my problem is not the expectation therapists use... I have to fix my core belief and the train myself to see it when I'm doing it.... 6. Charity is the final... can't judge, dominate, blame, demand, beg...etc.. only through serving without any expectations in return you then have a pure love.... 7..... hey... keep in mind. Once you fix you.... and he fixes him.. you still have to be ready to accept the divorce... 100% or 0% in Currently I'm at the fix me stage and I'm all in 100%. My wife is at 2% my job is to know how to allow her to find the 98% without my interference. Hard when we live together, but space can be found if you are communicating which we are 3 days in woot! Bottom line is both of us were jacked up before we even met... now almost 20 yrs of marriage later.. we've just realized we suck as humans but at least we are now willing to help one another in our therapist and personally lead journeys as supporting roles... individual and family counciling is our next step.. sooo I found this 7cup and you are the lucky person who received my personal rant to a stranger but hopefully this helps.
Based solely on your post, sounds like you know what you want... to be alone. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I believe that we choose to be where we are. If that’s with someone else, then you have to choose to be with them. If that’s not what you want, then choose to move on. What is holding you back from living life the way you want?
Well...........In my case I am alone and lookinfg for someone to come in my life......what you guys think of I am 43 male.....do you think i should go for having new life partner in this age or i should live my life as it is ??
