Working on yourself
Hi all, is been about 4 month since I have been on here I was in some what of a bad way last time and managed to get myself out of a hole. My question is what are you doing to keep yourself from your old way? I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I struggle to connect with myself at times, I’m constantly feeling like I need to be busy and only really rest when my head touches the pillow. I blame others for how I’m feeling and let them get to me. More with my wife than anything. I’m trying to listen to self help video which don’t always go in. Anyone else have the same issues? Any help or strategy to help this? Thanks in advance
@affectionateStrawberries2307,
There is always a hole, a mountain, an obstacle, an old way to resume. Something that keeps you from your true potential. The power is yours to choose which "hard" you're willing to live with.
I decided to change my life about 5 months ago. It was a combination of circumstance and probably the darkest place I have ever been. My path started and continues with small steps of self nurturing: developing self love, forgiving myself, having patience and awareness. Taking everything day by day, but even one moment at a time if needed.
My "old way(s)" were run off with this simplified combination that I add to as I travel. Consistently working out, improved sleeping habits, reading or finding something new to learn, and self reflection. Everything for me, falls under these catagories.
I can also say from experience that seeing a therapist helped me. Finding a support network has also been helpful. The key (for me) to making all of this work as it has so far, is being able to define the parts. I would recommend that you get to know yourself with compassion, love of self, and good measure of rigid integrity.
Externally - Find a safe way to be vulnerable and be willing to listen with an open mind. Be self aware.
Internally - Identify what it is that triggers the emotive responses, and think about how you can hold yourself to be the person you choose to be as opposed to one who reacts instinctually.
Lastly, for clarity of this lengthy response. My problems were with my wife. The "old ways" are simply the past if you can create new way(s). They don't define you once you grow beyond them. Make every step forward.
I hope my perspective was helpful. Stay true to your best self.
Thank you so much for your input and replying to my message. A lot of what you put makes so much sense and starting off small instead of trying to fix it all sound much more do able. I feel it stems back from my childhood years had always followed me. My lack of confidence at time is really bad to the point we’re I wouldn’t go up the bar to order food for my family ( when bars where open). I know I’m not completely broken and I know if I put thr hard work and effort in it could be very rewarding for myself, which in turn makes everything else seem a lot easier. What sort of methods did you put into to place when it came down to feeling emotionally out of your depth? Thanks again for your message
I'm happy to offer support!
It's funny that you ask about emotional depth. Late last year I felt like I was alone in a raging ocean. Emotional tidal waves were the norm. I wasn't eating or sleeping. Full on anxiety and depression followed.
My choice to leave that came from desperation; I couldn't live that way. The first thing I did was "meditate" for lack of better description. Internally I defined everything in my life. For weeks all I could think about was how to RE-define everything. The first breakthrough was reading - self help, spirituality, fiction, non-fiction, anything I could get my hands on. Then came yoga (online subscription) and journaling (so useful!). Then beachbody and running. Then better sleep habits (being drained mentally and physically helps). Then the gym, practicing awareness, and forming a mind/body connection so that I could really "know myself".
I am currently in what I have come to know as "The Beginner's Mind" step. I try to meet every day with gratitude, honesty, and a willingness to learn something new. April is month 4 of this lifestyle for me, so this has developed over time. To bring it directly back to what you're asking - Setting attainable goals with positive intention is important, because it gives you a history to review. I have also taken a keen interest to studying the Stoics. Philosophers of old that place the rational mind above emotions. These works have been especially useful in dealing with my own emotional depth.
As I write this out more things come to mind, but this will be the last bit. Learn to have a quiet mind and focus internally on what is difficult - process a solution whether it is with external help of a confidant or movement, and/or internal practices (breathing, meditating, music) - and then employ the chosen solution as it seems appropriate. Practice these on small mundane tasks at first, and then progress up to more difficult scenarios. Speak for your emotions, not with them. And finally, make sure that you are patient with yourself because everything takes time.