Trouble making friends

@ShihTzuLvr

I can really understand! I think having a lack of interaction with other adults can be difficult. I understand the concept of having teens that are busy (off doing their own thing) and having a husband that works a great deal (off doing his own thing).

Being at home over a long period of time can kind of get to you. In addition, it seems to me that the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. I imagine it's being in a specific age group, a life full of being busy, pets, children, significant others and a home to maintain. Rarely are there opportunities to meet new, like minded people.

I had heard recently that there was a study done and that the results were that the human brain can really only handle having 5 friends at once. That is the limit (not aquaintences but friends). What that says to me is that once someone has their 5 friends, they don't have interest in forming new ones, they are set in their ways and that they don't have the time or the energy to try and develop, maintain an additional new one. It's also easy to loose friends over time, not because anyone did anything wrong, but sometimes it just ends up "dying on the vine" so to speak because everyone is so busy taking care of this great big thing called life. Over time, we as people change, and sometimes outgrow those friendships.

I wonder if you are moving into the "empty nest syndrome" like, not totally but maybe the pre-cursor to that?

7 cups is a great place to be, that's for sure with an entire subcommunity and even member/group rooms with others that would be age appropriate for you and may be going through the very same things. There is of course always reaching out to a listener and even being lonely in my opinion is a viable reason to reach out and chat with a listener. If you decide you want to try that, there is the "browse listener" page and you can even do an advanced search based on age range if you would like.

Some people like to call these the "golden years"......your time. Sometimes that can feel scary and sometimes that can feel good. When neglecting ones self for so long of a period of time, we do loose sight of who we are, what it is that we want becaue we have devoted our lives to others. So, is there something you have always wanted to do, a hobby, a pursuit, some sort of volunteer work, a call to action that sings in your heart but you had to quiet all of that because of the needs of others? Sometimes there can be groups in ones community to connect with to engage with like minded people. There is a "nextdoor" app for neighborhoods that can be nice and also I think one is called "meetup" for people in local communitys to join clubs, get togethers, etc.

Either way, I know it's hard. 7 cups is a great big place full of wonderful people willing to *wrap their arms around you* and support you for this time. I send you big *hugs* my friend!

@ShihTzuLvr I have struggled all my life when it comes to friends. It has been a major thorn in my side. Often it is easy to think it is something about us. Maybe but people in general keep distance because they don't trust. If you treat them good and are the best friend ever they will not trust you and maybe will even trust you less. People seem to want nothing and absolutely nothing to be expected of them. I'm sick of the social apathy. I am introverted but I am also a very social person and I get energy from both kinds of activities. But it's an area where I have no control over getting what I need. Even if covid wasn't a thing I know that it isn't likely to fidn true friends at a place like a bar. While covid is going on I am focusing on connecting with people on-line such as here or another forum that would be better than facebook where everyone isn't screaming and posting pictures into the void constantly talking about themselves and never really asking anyone anything or making conversation in private chat anymore. And when I can recover from stress a bit I would like to plan and organize some on-line meet ups. Not associated with 7cups. But ones that center around my interests such as book clubs or knitting groups. But someday perhaps during covid I would love to have at least one or two friends where we could meet up at a distance in the summer at a park while we are in yellow stage. Any appointments I have had which I had recently felt really sociable in comparison to the last year. I really shouldn't have to have something wrong with me in order to interact with human beings and have connections. The whole social issue has been noticed as it being a problem since the nineties at least. I don't know about before then. I think it has just gotten worse since then. Either that or it's because of my age. Being a kid or a teen, or then in early twenties at college people take the time for socializing, having fun just hanging out. But somehow everyone forgets that the way they have come to start acting is like giant wet blankets!

I too came on here to complain about my social life. It’s comforting to read about others’ similar experiences. I just changed jobs from one with lots of like-minded people to working alone at home. For the past 15 years I felt my social life was constantly improving. But then the past 3 years I had a bit of a midlife crisis and acted quite selfishly and lost basically all my friends. Now I’ve calmed down and am having to rebuild. A bit nervous and bruised feeling. I love the support of this community. I wish us all luck.

I spend every day mostly by myself. I am engaged to a good guy, 12 yrs together. But he’s always busy fixing cars. I do want friends, cuz I do get lonely, but, most times, it is better to stay to yourself. Less drama and BS. Plus, I don’t get out as I am disabled. Every day is basically the same for me. I’m used to it, but sometimes it does get boring.

Hobbies? I used to volunteer a lot, which helped me get out of the house and interact with people who had at least the common interest of volunteering.