Lack of desire in relationship?
First time here, so please be kind. so my issue is quite specific. I’ve been messed around on relationships a lot in the past, but have finally met this great guy. He’s smart, funny, respectful and just great in almost every way. He says I’m the only one he wants and that I’m ‘perfect’. And yet, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m not what he desires and really wants.. This could be influenced a little by his past, he told me when he was drunk that he’s slept with 200+ women (many whilst travelling in Thailand) some of whom he said were crazy hot… he seems to revert back to talking about past encounters when he drinks, never asked for, and sometimes not in a big way, but might say something stupid he thinks I will find funny (I guess) about stupid ways he used to pull women.. now this alone I think probably wouldn’t bother me much. We have been together 6 months, and sex with me has just never been high on his agenda - doesn’t often initiate it, often doesn’t seem that interested. Yet is overall a very affectionate and attentive person. (If it helps for context I am 33, he is 39. I wouldn’t say I’m insecure per se, as am in good shape and do get interest generally, I just get this feeling maybe I’m not what he wants… thank you for reading
Tbh, he sounds extremely insecure. I’m willing to bet the things he says when he drinks aren’t true. I can tell you this though, if sex isn’t high on his list this early into the relationship, it won’t get any better. I think you need you think really hard and do what’s best for you. Might not be exactly what you want to hear, but you deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
@indigoEast2917. There is only one you. Love yourself and cherish yourself. What do you want for you, how do you want to feel? Maybe you need him to start talking less about his past encounters and more about his love and respect for you. His past happened. Cool. It’s over now. Make you feel hot and desired! Not compared in an icky way. It’s hurtful. Maybe ask him if the situation were reversed and you spilled the beans on your past, how he would feel? Lots of hugs
@indigoEast2917
Maybe you should tell him that he talking about previous partners that way hurts you.
@indigoEast2917 he's 39, he's probably not THAT active anymore, and that is not your fault. Hadn't you thought that telling you all that unnecesary info about his past, is because he doesn't want to be the same with you? My dear men aren't that difficult, he acts different because you actually have a relationship, not like women in his past.
I know how hard it is, but please remember that you are enough ☺️ don't overthink it and talk with him about your relationship, say your expectations and listen his expectations. I know you'll have what you're waiting for <3
@indigoEast2917 I hope that guy is not suffering from STD
Thank you for sharing your concerns. It sounds like you have some worries about whether you are what your partner truly desires, especially given his past and how he talks about it when he drinks. Additionally, you have concerns about your sex life, as your partner doesn't seem to initiate it often or express a lot of interest in it.
It's completely understandable to have these concerns, given your past experiences and the things your partner has said. It's important to communicate with your partner about these worries and how they make you feel. Perhaps you can express your concerns about feeling like you may not be what he truly desires and ask him to clarify his feelings about your relationship. Communication is key in any relationship, and expressing your concerns may help to clear the air and ease your worries.
In regards to your sex life, it may be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about your needs and desires in that area. It's possible that he may not realize how important it is to you or may have a different approach to sex. It's important to have open and honest communication about these things to ensure that both partners feel satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship.
It's also important to remember that your past experiences do not define your current relationship. This is a new person and a new opportunity to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the things that make you happy
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@indigoEast2917 I am sorry for how this is making you feel. A lot of times people say things that their mind blocks until they're drunk. My dad used to cuss me out when he got drunk. That does not excuse anything that he did. Please be careful and know that you are enough.
@indigoEast2917
All I see is a man who took advantage of over 200+ women in an economically disadvantaged country.
@indigoEast2917 If he isn't initiating anything that might be a sign that he wants things to be different with you than it was with those other girls. You should talk to him one on one when he is sober and calm. Tell him how you feel and make sure that he knows you aren't mad. Stay calm when you are talking to him because you don't know if he did anything wrong. He has a past but so does everyone else. Some people change and some don't. You need to decide if he is worth it and if he is what you need and want. Remember you always have our support here.
Your focusing on something you can’t know for-sure or control. But you can learn what things spark his desire. And inspire him like an artist gets inspired to create art. Focus on yourself more and let him initiate more.