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Is my spouse being disrespectful or mean in his reaction?

User Profile: wonderingmindandspirit

How would you interpret it if your spouse responded angrily after you declined a sexual advance, saying things like, 'You're my spouse, you should just give in,' and implying there's something wrong with you for not wanting to? Is this normal behavior, or is it crossing a line?

3
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla August 28th
@wonderingmindandspirit it's definitely not acceptable to behave like him. No one ever "owes" sex to another person, even you are married, everyone has the right to say no for any reason if they don't feel like it. Sex is not a "duty", it should be a shared desire, and it's not acceptable to put pressure on someone to have sex. Please, don't give in and stand up for yourself! Sex is not a chore. Talk to him openly, let him know that sex is not something that can be forced in the name of marriage. But if this keeps happening, then you might want to consider what this means about his respect for you and your wishes.
2 replies
User Profile: wonderingmindandspirit
wonderingmindandspirit OP August 28th

@Aayla

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I've been married for 13 years, and the past 5 years or so, seem to have put me in this realm with someone I don't know anymore. I keep telling him that he is not a very nice person to me anymore. I asked "Have I done something to provoke this?" But he never really answers this with an answer. It gets turned into, what sounds to be a selfish reason. We have two young children now. I have finished school. And somewhere in between all these changes. I think he resents me for not making him my first and last thought. And now I just feel more distant than ever 💔 I think it's a hole in our relationship and it's getting bigger, the more he verbally dismisses me and my feelings. 

1 reply
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla August 28th
@wonderingmindandspirit I'm sorry about it. Mutual respect and openhearted communication are the basis of a healthy relationship, but right now he's not willing to grant you either of them. I'm afraid until he's willing to listen to your reasons and value your feelings, as well as sharing what he truly feels honestly and open-heartedly, things are not likely to get better. He needs to understand that until he commits to honest and constructive dialogue, things are not going to get better for either of you, nor for your relationship.
If he's not willing to do so, your relationship can only get less healthy. It's a very tough place to be in. Remember that your well-being is important and should not be dismissed for the sake of the relationship. I can't tell you what do, the decision is yours, but remember that standing up for yourself is important both for you and your children.
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