I’m either amazing, or an idiot

Ok. So the argument today was because I realized he had been lying by way of omission about a friend of his. The friend (let’s call her Amy) is married to another friend of his (let’s call him Mark). They have two kids together.

When I met them, things felt off. My husband & I were living in Europe planning to do the RV/travel life. So we didn’t have an address, which is a legal requirement. He asked them if we could pay them to store a few things in a guest room and use their address as our residence.

Amy made a deal of it saying we needed to come over so we could talk about it. We went over and she hemmed and hawed over it saying she had to make sure it wouldn’t be an issue. After that, she said we needed to come over to discuss it again. I told my husband to forget it because it wasn’t that serious. We could figure it out.

I felt weird about it because it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. And if it was, just say no. I personally felt like she was enjoying it though.

Time passes.

My husband & Mark decide to start running together again. And Amy wants to hang out with me while they run. So we hang out and go for a walk. And I just got a vibe from her that I couldn’t explain. But it made me uncomfortable. Afterwards, I told my husband that we had a nice time, but I wouldn’t be doing it again. And he was quite disappointed. He had hopped I could be friends with his two besties.

From then, I avoided Amy & Mark like COVID. Sometime later, I end up stuck in another country alone while flying back to Europe. My husband comes to help me get my papers sorted with the Embassy. And then Mark calls. Mark is jealous that we’re in another country on vacation and my husband wants invite him to join us. I remind my husband that we’re not on vacation and that I’m stuck.

Eventually we get the papers sorted, but we don’t know if everything is official until I fly out. In the meantime, Mark & my husband decide it’s a perfect time to finally take that trip to Italy. And off they go. I’m still stuck in another country.

Time passes again.

I forgive and move on. Now, my husband & I are thinking about buying a house. It’s a new development. Amy & Mark already own their home. My husband tells Mark our plans. Mark decides he & Amy should buy a 2nd house in the same development. I tell husband I am no longer interested. I have no desire to have my life more enmeshed with these people. But the 3 of them all go off to meet with the realtor. I am dumbfounded, but we didn’t buy that house…. and neither did they.

Time passes…..again.

I forgive - again. Mark and Amy have their 2nd baby. And within 2 weeks, they want to bring their family to our house. I say, “Hell no.” Infants don’t sleep regularly. Their baby is not about to keep me up at night. And who takes their newborn to stay at someone else’s house?

Time passes - you know how this works.

After a conversation about another topic, my husband finally reveals that he had been in love with Amy for years (before we met). And that Mark, swooped in and stole her.

First, why are you still friends with someone who would do that to you? He’s either an amazing person or an idiot.

And second, all this time he made it seem like I was wrong for feeling off about them. The games Amy played in the beginning were all in my head. When the truth is that there’s some history there. So she was able to play mind games and size me up - and I didn’t have the slightest idea of my husband’s true history with her or Mark.

Each scenario was its own disagreement. But to find out that he was in love with her for years, and just failed to mention it? Now, I’m either really amazing or an idiot.