I’m building walls!

Hi, am new here. I wish to vent and share every surprising detail I’ve been through the last couple of years but its too much. Will simply state that I am not feeling good, for a while now, I have been lied to, abandoned, disappointed and abused from a couple of really close friends (which I don’t have much of) and my family, over the last couple of years, or maybe I just realized it but it’s been happening forever before? Problem is: I lost trust in everyone and feel so sad, so lonely, so weak but can’t show that, and just want God to pull me up to the skies away from all of people’s dirty business. I lost my sense of purpose, I don’t know why I would do what am supposed to be doing, I took a week off at my place away from the family and everyone, I just stayed the whole week by myself trying to please me, and deciding to come back to life, first couple of hours now and already feel I want that emergency exit button now. I am not designed to pretend, act, lie, be fake, it hurts me, and the only choice is either stay with the hypocrites or spend the rest of it in isolation, which I’m afraid will lead me to insanity! I wish I could just speak about all of it, cry about it, be soothed, feel some genuine love and care, and move on, but no real person is there anymore, and I can’t even find the faith to trust anybody new into my life now.. Am scared and lonely, depressed and drying my own tears, having no clue where the road is leading and am tired of it. Oh God!