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AlwaysStruggling
171 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceNovember 18, 2019
Recent forum posts
Feeling guilty
Grief & Loss / by AlwaysStruggling
Last post
 January 10th, 2023
...See more My mom died in September and I'm having a very hard time with this. I got married September 21 and my mom broke her arm on the 25th we went to the erand got her patched up and took her home. I stayed with her to take care of her. My mom had copd and used oxygen at night. So the 26thshe woke up and was complimg her arm hurt so I gave her half a pain pill that the doctor prescribed and ten she went to take a nap. I checked on her several times throughout the day and she seemed ok. But I went to check on her before I went to sleep and she had stopped breathing. The paramedics really couldn't do anything. I'm hang a lf
Scared of therapy
35 & Over Community / by AlwaysStruggling
Last post
 May 19th, 2021
...See more I have been depressed most of my life. I am now 48 years old and have been on medication and in and out of therapy since i was 21. I thought i was doing ok, until covid started , they sent us home to work and i have just recently moved in with my boyfriend and his 2 kids. So work sent us home to work only one day a week in the office 4 at home. I started having uncontrollable anxiety attacks ( which i did get meds for). But it has been hard to adapt any kind of schedule to remember to take my meds, so i am lucky if i remember my antidepressants 3 days a week. Since i am working from home i feel i need to be working 24/7 with no personal life. Like i feel if i take any time for me i will somehow be punhished at work. The way i have felt throughout all of this covid panic has made me wanna to xxxxxxxx and this is only getting worse. Not better. I keep telling myself if i can make it another month ill be ok, but i just keep feeling worse and i dont see anything going back to the way it was. Im scared to tell a therapist this becauae i kbow they will want to hospitalize me and i dont see that as a solution. I feel like im at a point that maybe it would be better if i just didnt exist. I know my boyfriend loves me but i cant seem to see where his life is better with me. I dont know what to do anymore. I see myself getting deeper into depression and cant seem to see a way out of it.
Struggling
Eating Disorder Support / by AlwaysStruggling
Last post
 July 1st, 2020
...See more This just ramblings because i think i need to get some of this out of my head and into words. Since this covid thing started i have had a great deal of anxiety and depression. Ii am taking antidepressants and anxiety meds when its really bad. But now im starting to obsess over how much i am eating. Many many years ago i went through treatment for bulimia and have had little relapses before but this is starting to feel out of control. I have been trying to only eat healthy foods and im walking a mile a day. Only walking doesnt really help it only makes the thousand thoughts in my head spin faster. At the moment i really want to go buy a bathroom scale to weight myself because i feel like i has lost a litte weight but cant prove without the scale. Im very scared at the moment. I dont want to be that person with the eating disorder again. Have requested counseling through my dr and hopefully the will call me back tomorrow with an appointment. My patience and frustration levels are really low at the moment. I am lucky i am able to work from home so i do still have a job during all of this, but it ties me to my computer and house most of the day. Thanks for listening
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