Am I Being Unreasonable - Dealing w/ In-Laws
Hi guys! I’m dealing with an in-law issue and could use some feedback. So my husband and I are newlyweds. We were living together before we were married. Then I had to return to my home country for three months to deal with some things. My husband and I had a virtual wedding during that time. Now, I just got back 6 days ago. And we’re dealing with some marital issues. We’re also completing a move that had to be paused while I was away, so our place isn’t completely furnished yet. We’re living out of boxes and still needing to order furniture or assemble furniture. I also injured myself while traveling back and was on bed rest within my first 6 days. Needless to say, now ain’t the time for an in-law visit. Yet, my husband told me (not asked) that his mom and her friend would be coming to visit soon. In the past, I’ve always been open to her coming to visit. I’ve bent over backwards to host beautiful lunches & teas for her visits. And we’ve even allowed her to stay in our home for months at at time while we’re traveling. But this time, it’s not a good time. It’s his mom, so I don’t want to say no. But I also don’t feel obligated to make any efforts to entertain them. I’m a little shocked that everyone thinks it’s okay to visit a newlywed couple within their first two weeks of living together. Not to mention, I haven’t been in the best physical state and we’re still unpacking & settling into our new home. I generally feel that his friends and family make ridiculous requests. Ex: Before I even made it back, his best friend asked if their friends (people we don’t know) could rent our entire home for a week for an insulting amount of money. (It wouldn’t even cover our hotel costs). Why would I be okay with arriving to our new home, just to leave it for strangers to use all of our things before we get a chance to? Needless to say, that didn’t happen. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. But let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
@Tweetybird15 It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now; things that would be stressful even without the addition of family stuff. Something that stuck out to me was that you bend over backwards for your mother-in-law and host teas and lunches; it seems like you have created a beautiful, inviting space, no wonder she wants to come back, and bring a friend too! I think some people really cannot fathom what it is like to be flexible and welcoming, on top of everything you're already doing in your life. I think, as you mentioned, taking it easy is a good idea if you can; make the visit cordial, pleasant and peaceful, but don't roll out the red carpet this time. After all, it wasn't your idea in the first place. Maybe let your spouse take the reigns and entertain/feed/host his mother and her friend. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My advice would be to take care of what you need to do and let everyone else take care of themselves this time.
@Tweetybird15 thank you for sharing, and not you are not being unreasonable. I think it was/is your husband's responsibility to talk to them( in-laws and their friends) even before they visited you. Making sure that you are your new place is ready to welcome guests
And asking to rent your place??? I am just reading it and didn't like it. I can imagine how bad an experience it was for you.