Afraid to start dating again

@sincereIdea8304

I find it harder to meet and date as many people as we get older ... they often have a bit of baggage

perhaps exes and children and your children .....

take your time and get a full picture hopefully before any casual thing becomes deeper.

I haven't had much success in online dating. Much more practical ways of getting one's self out there. I'm open to listening sometime if there is a desire to chat.

"The online dating world is an utterly homogenised virtual game where something that is a function of the form is reduced to a distorted mind field."-Jym Tarrant

I agree with toughTiger6481 that one should take their time and get a bigger picture/clarity

@sincereIdea8304

Hi :)

I can imagine that it is difficult for you.

I am sure there are many people you can connect to out there, so be confident that you will find what you are looking for.

At this age, we have many fears and bad experiences behind our backs. Maybe a good approach would be to try to see the fun part of it so you can decrease the stress: I guess for the other person the process of getting to know each other will also be very stressful. Which is a pity, because all you want is to make something beautiful out of it. If you approach the other person with respect, you will probably receive the same.

Take small steps and joyful experiences will come.

@sincereIdea8304 Hi there. Thanks for introducing yourself here. I cannot recommend any specific apps, but I have watched people close to me begin to date again, after a divorce. Some of them have met wonderful people through online apps... and some have had quite mixed results. I do hope you can muster up all your couage, bravely step up, and make some genuine connections! Best of luck to you!

Thank you all for your wisdom!

@sincereIdea8304 hope you find a friendly person.

If anyone asks you to loan them money, it is most likely a scam. Stop dealing with anyone trying to use you for money.

@sincereIdea8304. Maybe your friends or family know single people who are looking to date. Maybe go out in a group so you can get to know the person so it won't be a one on one blind date. You can also meet people at birthday parties, weddings, anniversary parties or friends getting together bringing along other friends. If you go out to events you like, I guess start talking to people around you who you think might be single and maybe asking someone out if you end up liking them. Good luck!

@sincereIdea8304 I think dating websites can work as long as you reach out to them in person. LDR on these sites won't work at all. People who are into LDR usually keep bad secrets. Get to know women living in the same city as you on the app, ask them on a date and things are gonna be just fine. Don't use Viber or WhatsApp for social interaction, flirting or getting to know them. Use dating apps for reaching out only. Watch out for casual dating, many women have venereal diseases and you can't figure out beforehand. I myself dated one girl who tested HIV positive and did not know before going to bed with her. Nothing happened, but I was tremendously lucky, because I had oral sex with her without condom, and the condom torn apart during intercourse. I also dated another (beautiful) woman who admitted she had sex (many, many times) with a guy gossiped about by his neighbors being positive for HIV and thus I had the chance not to go to bed with her. Remain always alert. Two times in a row is not the story of my life at all, it is a huuuuuuge red flag for potentially dangerous sex everywhere.

"But I wear condom all the time." "Protected oral sex all the time?" . Be always honest with you.

You can take a chance, penicillin all sorts of things but very close to 100% disease-free sex is going to bed with a person who periodically takes STI's or specific blood tests FOR AGES, or at least for some years now. Or wear condoms and never have unprotected oral sex. These are the options.

Cheers.

Hi, your story is very similar to mine. I am 41 years old, divorced 10 years ago, and 2 kids. After my divorce, when I was 32 years old, I started online dating. Guys in that age range did not seem to want anything serious at that time. When I turned 35, I started dating a guy who was 42, I dated him for 2 and a half years, that didn't work out, we had nothing in common. During COVID, I tried online dating again, this time around I'm wiser. I met a 52 year old gentleman who makes me smile. We have been dating for 2 and a half years now. We have great conversations, have fun while traveling, etc. But, dating after a divorce is extremely difficult. There are things that I'm still holding on that are not helping me move forward. Same happens to him, he was married 22 years, 2 adult children. I am not able to completely enjoy my relationship because of my anxieties and fears. I am not able to enjoy the moment and be completely happy. Enough about me, I do believe that online dating might be a great way to get to know someone. You can hide yourself behind a screen for a while and get to know the person and then decide. It might not be easy, I'm telling you, but it does give you way more opportunities to find Mr. Right. Good luck to you!

Hi,

I noticed this thread. I am 44, single. I do not have any children. Over the years I had a few relationships, marriage never seemed right for me. I was always interested in developing myself, becoming a better or more generous person or at least I thought. I was a bit naive and also had a lot that I was grateful for or should have been. I had certain things in life that were easier but I went through trauma early in life. I felt relatively free in my 20s. Something happened in my late 20s where things were not working out for me at all. I lived through my late 20s to 30s in that precarious state. I somehow came out of it relatively healthy but I realize I am not completely healed or healthy around people who are toxic to me. I discovered they trigger me. I have been in and out of a few meaningless relatioships. At this point of my life, all I care about is being healthy. I have absolutely no expectations of having or being in a relationship with anyone. The few times I tried, they have been a disaster in recent years, and I learned that I value my freedom and I hate being tied down or cajoled into something. It could be avoidant but actually I have a side of me that can turn really needy and annoying which I rarely employ in retaliation for mistreatment. I basically turn into someone's nightmare because I cannot stand to be in a relationship that is not right for me.

This only came out in my later years and I would have never dreamed of dong this when I was younger. I would not call it losing my dignity but just not having the patience or interest. So at this point, I am just going out alone due to my schedule. I have gone to outings before the pandemic and I could not maintain those friendships either because I feel like I can't keep up with the schedules and the cost of meeting up with other people. I work from home, everything is super expensive. I don't want to look nice or dress up most of the time.

Anyway I do hope I will change my mind about it. I did online dating before but I am not attracted to men. I feel that also putting myself out there like that is so fabricated and unnatural.

I don't know but I really hope to one day meet the type of person I am meant to be with but I feel like that time has not come for me yet.

I also cannot relate to the people where I live. I feel like I have to travel to nearby towns to meet a different caliber of people. I guess I am willing to take the risk of being alone until I meet that person somewhere where I am interested going to. I realize it won't happen until I make the time

Anyway I wish everyone good luck and hope you are able to find your matches