Relationship Stress
Hello,
I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed and stress in my relationship with my boyfriend. These past two months we have been having more arguments than ever. We haven’t move in together yet, and I feel extreme pressure by him to do so. We haven’t been together for very long. I gave him a timeframe of when I will be able to move in and reassure him of our future, and yet he doesn’t believe me. He picks unnecessary fights to vent his frustration out at me. Every time he does this, I feel more mentally drained and my anxiety gets worse over time.
I already have a lot of things going on in my life: taking care of my mom, going to school and working long hours. Life is already stressful enough. I don’t know how much more I can endure from his anger. I’m about to have mental breakdown because of him. I want to make things work with him, however I feel resentment towards him for being pushy and inconsiderate of my feelings. I feel like everything is my fault and like I’m the bad guy. He is a good man and I love him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m thinking if I move in with him real soon, will he stop venting his anger out at me?
I apologize if I’m ranting, but I have no one else to talk to about this 😞
I am so sorry about your situation. Having an already full plate and having someone else add to that is incredibly overwhelming.
If you move in with him on his terms, the fights are not guaranteed to stop, what if they get worse? What else will he push for next time?
You can’t split yourself in 2 and keep both, you and him happy.
Are you both able to talk and and come to a compromise ?
Do not let him pressure you into moving in. With my relationship we argue more when we’re not together, when we’re together in person everything is always amazing, always happy, no fighting and if we do we talk it out rather than on the phone he can just ignore texts and disappear off the earth for hours yk. I think, if you guys don’t argue in person as much and your happiest when together then go for it, but if you fight just as much in person as over the phone then don’t do it. You have priorities, he is one but he doesn’t need to make those other priorities worse for you. He could also just not be the person for you. I’m not much of a professional but I’ve been in my relationship for quite awhile. Moving in is a HUGE step and it’s not one to be rushed into. I hope I maybe helped in some way.
I feel very uneasy when we fight. We did eventually talk it out, and everything will be fine again and then the situation repeats itself over and over. I tried to reassure him I will move with him soon, and he still behaves this way. He is a good man who treats me well and loves me, but the issue is when he is unhappy at something I did, he yells and vents his anger at me and then apologizes after. It’s becoming a bit too much. I was also given an ultimatum if I don’t move in with him by New Year’s Eve, he would break up with me. I’m starting to doubt if he is the right person..
That’s not love hun. I know nothing about him but I wouldn’t but up with that. You are an amazing person and you deserve to be with someone who treats you right, sure he apologizes but there shouldn’t be anything happening to lead to that apology. And that’s not an ultimatum, that’s a threat. He thinks it’s okay to threaten you. That’s not good. I think you could do better!!!
So, I just read this and your 4th sentence is incredibly concerning. This guy is a narcissist Micchi. He is using emotional and verbal abuse tactics, probably also gaslighting and a number of other covert abusive crap. Unfortunately I have a solid experience with these jerks, my bf prior to my soon to be ex husband narcissist and well, this guy I'm dealing with through the divorce. I'm not a clinical psychologist but I do know a dark triad creep when I see/read about one.
This man is not a good man, Micchi. A good man respects your boundaries, treats you with respect, does NOT scream and yell at you, he does NOT become ragefully angry at you, he does not make ultimatums or selfish gestures. This man you're dating has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and there are a number of types (malignant, fragile, covert, etc).
Please save yourself from the trauma bonding that he's enforcing in this relationship and from years of narcissistic abuse and leave this man, go no contact and move on with your life. Getting sucked into their web of abuse will excuse my language F you TF up and the longer they have you in their shadow, it's incredibly difficult for you to leave because they condition and confuse you with surgical precision into believing this is love and that their abuse isn't abuse, it's love.
PLEASE do research on NPD and educate yourself so that you're able to defend yourself against what is honestly weaponzied "love".
Edit to first paragraph-- I mean to say that my ex boyfriend of 9 years, prior to my current soon to be ex husband (the fragile covert narcissist) was also a narcissist. I'm an empathetic person and it sounds like you are as well, and these sad, screwed up human beings suffering from NPD are attracted to us like a fly to honey. They have a radar for finding our type and they literally feed off of our caring, trusting and empathetic nature in order to thrive while we wither... and one day, months later, 5 years later, 10 years or 20 years later, when they've had their fill of us after the cycle of idealization, devaluation, repetition, they move into the discard stage-- like an old piece of furniture, they discard us.
Please research NPD and evaluate what you find to the character and actions of your boyfriend. Please don't allow yourself to be trapped in a relationship hellscape with this person for years because when they discard, it comes out of nowhere and it is devestatingly life altering, both psychologically (mentally /emotionally) and physically (materially/disrupts your entire life).
I am thinking of you and sending vibes of strength and endurance to you. I know you can do this and I know that you are strong enough to make the right decision, whatever that may be, for yourself and your life. ♥️
An ultimatum for you guys to move in together but he cant control his anger… i dont want to be that person but what if one day he gets so mad he becomes physical? & now you guys live together with nowhere to go. please do not rush & let him know this is why youre uneasy
Fighting happens in relationship but it’s better to sit down and talk about it. Both sides have to compromise, that’s how it grows and move forward
Hey there, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with a very pushy and selfish boyfriend while also navigating so many difficult life obstacles, especially taking care of your Mom (I understand, I cared for my Mom while she was fighting terminal cancer). I also understand your situation with this dude... my soon to be ex husband did the very same thing to me, a month after my Mom passed away and I moved back to my home in VA. So pushy, arguments, etc... 10 years later it turned out that he is a covert fragile narcissist...
My advice to you is this: set your boundaries, tell him this is the time when I'm ready to move in with you and if you can't respect that then I don't think this relationship is going to work for me. If he gives you sh*t, girl... you gotta do what's right for you and part ways with this guy. If he can't respect your boundaries, if he doesn't empathize with your situation by being a jerk and adding more stress to your life, you have to seriously sit down and really think about how this is effecting your life and if he's like this now what will it be like in the future with him and make a decision... imo would be to severe the thread and part ways with this guy.
Hang in there... I know it's tough, I know it's scary and you probably feel so alone dealing with everything else in your life while with this dude acting this way... but you're strong, you're a survivor and you can do this. ♥️
