Just turned 35

Hello, I’m new to this community. A few weeks ago, I turned 35. I spent my birthday completely alone, just like Christmas and New Year’s. I know they’re just dates, but I feel deeply lonely and disheartened. I don’t have a partner, I don’t have a family, and I don’t have many friends. The few friends I do have are married and always busy—they didn’t even remember my birthday. It’s heartbreaking to see everyone surrounded by family, friends, and partners during these special times while I’m all alone. There’s no one who thinks of me, remembers me, gives me a gift, a hug, or celebrates me.

I’ve been single for over three years after a painful breakup that affected me deeply. I couldn’t move on, while my ex seemed to move on quickly with someone else. It’s been three years without a stable relationship or meeting anyone who truly loves or values me. The few relationships or dates I’ve had were with men who were only interested in something physical, or ended up cheating on me. It hurts deeply to see myself at this age, so alone, without genuine connections, and without ever experiencing real love or what it feels like to be truly loved.

I know I’m supposed to love myself, and I used to, but now I can’t seem to find the energy or even the belief that I do. I feel like I’ve lost that connection with myself. I can’t stop thinking that at 35, I’m "expired," and that I’ll never find someone to share my life with. The thought of dying alone terrifies me and makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

I know I’m not beautiful or physically attractive, but I’ve always believed I’m a good person—a loyal, honest, and devoted friend and partner. Yet it feels like, in this world, physical appearance is the only thing that matters, and everything else is overlooked.