Failure to Launch a Competent Adult Life
Happy Saturday,
Male, 37. going on 38 later this year. I am Christian (though struggling with my faith right now) and employed but its barely enough to cover my bills, at times not enough. Don't have a ton of energy to work 2nd or sometimes 3rd jobs though at times I do. Recently lost a business and the loan my family invested into me. T1D is controlled with low carb diet but still a bit of insecurity around it. Struggling with Anger, Depression, negative self-talk, loneliness. Rampant imaginative thoughts, mind is always racing for no reason. I'm grounded in reality, but my brain is always projecting and thinking about worse case scenarios. I do go to Church(If you do not believe that is your choice. I am not attempting to convince anyone of anything on this platform) and Kava Bars for socialization, but no one knows the full extent of my internal struggle. Don't want to lose any more years of my life feeling this way. I need something concrete to solve my problems sooner rather than later. God uses other people to help us. Hopefully I can help others too. God Bless.
@mrmet1986 Struggling financially can be depressing. My advice here isn’t about getting yourself a better money gig, I’m just acknowledging that by itself, lack of money can be depressing. But people who have money can be depressed too. So, if you can disentangle from thoughts about what you don’t have, you can find ways to combat your depression. Then in both good and bad money times, you have a tool (a skill) that works. Interestingly, depression can be caused by cognitive distortions, and also from a lack of distortion (a more realistic view). Here is an article about that: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201612/thinking-errors-in-depression
It gives an overview of distortions and how you might challenge your distortions. If you find that interesting you might want to google CBT therapy. There are workbooks to help you go through CBT by yourself without a therapist.
For the mind racing and gaming out the worst scenarios, I found mindfulness meditation helpful. Once you begin to recognize that your mind is just doing doughnuts in the parking lot, you can begin to ease off the gas and straighten the wheel and drive somewhere more enjoyable. It’s called mindfulness but it really isn’t so much about thinking but rather paying less attention to thinking. At the same time it’s not devoid of thinking either. So learn to calm down and drive your emotional life like grandma drives her car 😂 but the thing is, it also can be a rich, exciting and very fulfilling trip.
@PineTreeTree Thank you for your response. I don't need to be a billionaire by any means just have enough to have a wife and raise children. The window feels like its closing soon, so I have to be able to mentally accept that or make enough changes to have that happen. I'll definitely review the article and see how that can help.
I think I understand how you may feel.. I turned 37 earlier this year, female, and for the past 4 years, working in Healthcare in a non-permanent position. My income is very unstable, as I only have shifts when others' are on vacation. Financially, I don't think it's enough to live a normal life. Especially, I had been off sick for the past 3 weeks because of an infection and I needed to stay home and rest. I'm back to work for the next 2 weeks, with no schedule given to me from April and onwards yet. The only reason I'm staying in this job is because of the decent pay.. with Healthcare here, the only way you get a permanent, part-time or full-time position is based on how many hours you've worked. The seniority is given to the person with the most hours, no matter if they have experience or not. So, even when I've worked in the same department for 4 years, my hours of 7,000 is nothing compared to those with 30,000+ hours. Even if that person is applying for a position they have never worked before, because they have more hours, they will get the position.
In some ways, I feel you're in a better position than I am.. we both have our struggles with mental health, our physical health, and financial stability. I try to tell myself to keep looking forward, work towards my goal in life, and try to not look back. I like to believe, as long as I'm moving along, it's better than being stuck in one place.
@mrmet1986