Cheating/separating/divorce
Hello i would like to anyones opinion who may have/currently experiencing the things i am.......ive be married 8yrs now I just recently started to get feelings that my spouse maybe (cheating/ process of talking to someone else as more than friends ) ive noticed times off works changing, usually i calls on break for atleast 30-40 mins they have droped to maybe 10-15 if that on someday (my spouse has a 3hr break) I do know that sometimes hrs vary but not usually as much as they have lately....i just think that they may be ready to move on but of course every question has an answer but my spouse has also told me in the past that if they did ever do anything i would never know....i never had any suspicion until recently and im not sure if i want to react or maybe im just feeling these ways because of my own issues and medications...i just feel like alot of things are different but i dont just want to jump to conclusions people do grow and change over yrs we dated for over 7yrs before we got married maybe where just entering a new stage in life i really dont want to lose my marriage over suspicion( no real proof as of right now).....really not sure what to do??!!!???
Sorry for misplaced/spelling of words....i got alittle caught in story.....
Would to hear from someone experiencing/experienced things like this
@Jaiflow712
When I look at situations in relationships when there is changes or things that seem off we need to look into it asap.........not trying to wait until we are sure or wait until someone does stray. Look honestly into do you think he is happy ?
So many in marriage disregard even something small until there is a big issue.... Have a check in... tell him how you feel and want to reconnect ... address any changes or what you may liked changed long before it is a problem.
Years ago i was having a health issue and i shut down as many do in depression about health etc.... i also was facing big stress at work and i took it out by not being present for family or spouse and he strayed.... He told me how "he felt i was mad all the time and he thought he was reason and I lost whatever we had" ..... was it my fault he chose to cross a line? ... NO of course not.......
but i could see how we were going down a rough road and I did nothing to stop it until something happened. I made efforts to not let other things cause issues and talk about them before they do this worked for a long time until ..........Now years later the situation has reversed and he is NOT there for me going though health and life issues , he has completely disregarded my wishes and feelings...does things that show me how little he is in this WITH me. If he sees i am unhappy he buy things tells me it is MY favorite but NO it is his favorite .... but he treats me as an extension of him. he is ok and semi happy so i must be.
He shows very little interest in working on marriage and just expects the length of time together means nothing would happen. Has not taken me telling him ...how disconnected and unhappy i am, says things like this is all marriages and we will wait it out ....... he will wake up someday and i will be gone.
Well I have not crossed the physical line but have made a friend i speak to and have a great emotional connection.....as this person is easy to talk to about anything.
Affairs either physical or emotional have underlying issues they do not just happen ...... marriage like a car it needs maintenance and occasional work. if there is something odd noise or such needs to be checked out before a major problem could be nothing could be serious but finding out now is better then waiting for the worse.
Hello thank you for responding....i feel like sometimes there is a real confusion to being happy, one minute during a rough/angry conversation someone can say there not happy but in another moment loving/physical situation/conversation say they are happy, how do you honestly determine whether they are or aren't happy, i also release that some people may confuse personal unhappiness and being unhappy with there marriage or partner, i have recently come to a conclusion in the past few years that or community/self awareness plays a big part in arguments/anger towards each other...some people understand differently than other and the message isn't always received the way a person might mean it....people always say you should listen to words people say when there angry because there is truth in it....other people say that calm conversation is more important because sometimes in anger you say things to make the other person angry....im really not sure which one is true....
@Jaiflow712
Depends on the person and both can be true i have said HARD truths in anger and i think that side is closer to truth ......In calm communication we edit or rethink or rephrase things to minimize any hurt or anger....
IN telling if someone is happy ACTIONS speak much louder then words.....words can be hollow.
example in order to NOT have disagreements my spouse will say he does not care what we have for a meal.."he could eat about anything" ... THEN i chose something i enjoy............ and he rolls his eyes or barely eats .... which says IT DOES matter what we eat ........and he is not honest enough to speak up....shows me just how unhappy and disconnected we have become. LOOK at do action match words....do they have reasonable reasons for any change .... if not why can they not speak up and be honest.
Life is always changing, as well as daily interests and schedules. Thus, this above scene you describe may be just that - spouse having a change in activities and NOT a change of love for you.
That said, obviously communication is key. So you could have a conversation and ask lightly what's happening during their free time. Additionally you could begin to be more spontaneous and get involved and make life interesting (a change).
it should be noted, everyone likes to be in conversation and have connections. Sometimes it's nice to not have that connection outside of your relationship. If that's the case here, then be confident and let that flourish.
Finally, if you really want to know if someone is stepping out on you. Follow their bank or credit card statements. Abnormal charged or larger food charges are a tell tell sign.
Hello thanks for responding....I do know there are different things that will change when it come starting new schedules and having new people around....i guess my issue is somethings that i do get answers for may sound reasonable (to a certain extent) but when you know a person that can honestly think of things on the spot it still leaves that doubt and even card charges have reasons like the work with a cousin and they split cost on different days for meals...and because my spouse is the oldest child with family that really look to them for alot phone conversation could be shorter because of problems to deal with the family....lately i noticed my spouse is texting me i love u more than before throughout the day like now they might say they have to get off the phone hang up and then text i love u...which i think is suspicious because if you can text why couldn't you stay on the phone plus u just said it on the phone..not sure if that has something to do with all the questioning that makes them want to reassure me or they just want to try and deter any suspicious i have....and with the new job they do come home and talk to me about different things that may have happened during the day but certain references to certain ppl also changed...(one day they explain and call a particular person one name, the next time they same something different and i say is that person new they say no its a new references to the same person)...i really dont know sometimes i feel like im over reacting....my spouse is just growing into a different version of themself....but it is weird because out of all the years of being together this is the first time ive really felt strongly like something is going on....of course there has been little instances of jealousy but doesn't weigh on me like it is now and it seems like there's something new or different i noticed every few day....
@Jaiflow712
The day he is busy in office he say surprise him with some food.
Ask his phone to use if he deny strongly.
Definitely sex life also will tell u.
If he taking more care of hygiene n dressup
Smile more while looking at phone.
Above all there is mid life crisis phase which is more common term used in western side.
Read on that also. Start bringing change in urself. Try diff clothes.. join some hobby... Make friends online... Sometime when we don't have people to interact our mind keep thinking a lot.