Afraid going to a bad crossroads
Hi, I'm 38 and I have a lot to say but at this current time in my life,
I'm having
trouble with independence,self-hate, and unwanted survival skills
growing up(using toxic behaviors like lying[everyone including myself],
manipulating, constantly
looking for approval to validate my own existence and lack of self-care, snapping at people)
atop of
losing relationships and not knowing who I am in the process and
constant falling into old
patterns[do good for a little bit and doing it all over again for years
or not even doing it for myself. I don't talk to anyone and it's making
matters worse that I don't do anything about it, even knowing I need to
talk about things and ACT non-toxic to get better, which is really a
struggle that's heading down a dangerous crossroads...I would like to about this in detail. {I never talked to anyone about anything and I don't know where to start}
@RelicCube Hi, thank you for introducing yourself here, and sharing your struggles. I know it can be really difficult to open up and be vulnerable with others, so I applaud you for doing that!
It sounds like you are dealing with old habits and unhealthy coping skills that have been going on for a long time. It is great that you have recognized these patterns and that you realize some changes may need to be made.
If you'd like to talk with someone 1-1 in more detail about what you are going through, please consider reaching out to a listener. https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ You addialso search by topics like anxiety, addiction, or general mental health, to name a few.
@purplelady568 PS the best way to start is usually at the beginning. Maybe you could begin by saying what brought you here to 7cups? And then go from there? Just an idea.
I came to 7 cups, it seems like a friendly and helpful place to start asking for help or talking about things I haven't really talked to anyone
@RelicCube Do look up your symptoms and see how they match up. And then you can talk with your doctor about being referred to someone who can assess you. Hopefully you can in your area of the world. Your symptoms remind me some of BPD. I am not assessing you but it might be a good idea to talk about the possibility of BPD with your doc and then a therapist if you see that your behavior and patterns line up with those of BPD more often than not. My husband has BPD as well as a few other things that can often co exist with it. I wish you the best in finding out what is going on because awareness and acceptance of what is actually going on with us is key for being able to move forward in treatment. There are good reasons to be positive that you can make progress even if it is something like Borderline. Until you know be curious, look into different possibilities and do your best to remain calm as you can while continuing to reach out here and other places that are healthy for support. (hugs)