43 and of little value
I'm a 43 year old man. I have no children. I am in a long term relationship where I raised her son from a previous relationship. I'm realizing now that by not having children, I am biologically insignificant. I have literally consumed resources on this planet and done nothing of value.
I guess I'm a cuck. Fit for being a worker bee and a cog in the system, not for reproduction. I wish I had known years ago, so I could have not bothered with any of it. I won't hurt myself, but I wish I hadn't been born.
@supalark
these ideas come with age ... did you not think about it when you were younger? and your long term relationship did not want any more children.... ?
Some people are not even having kids until your age. You left thing in the world sometimes we do not even know what we left behind if we helped others grow if we imprinted on someone taught others useful things they used to make a difference. Think " the butterfly effect"
@toughTiger6481 I started dating my current partner when her son was 5 and am still with her, though her son has grown up (23) and now has a son of his own. I decided not to have kids while he was young, as I didn't think it was fair to him. She didn't want any more kids and still doesn't. I don't even know that I want any more kids, I just feel like I have failed biologically. Ultimately, a man who has ten kids from eight women is more successful than I, even if he doesn't take care of them at all. I have a family tree and there's a dead branch- me. Thankfully, my little brother has two kids.
@supalark
you raised a child .... i am sure he thinks of you as his dad in a way ... and that commitment is far greater then as you describe a man with many offspring by many women with out even seeing them.
That is no more biologically advanced then a dog....
would your philosophy place the same penalty of adoptive parents of someone who could not have children for a multitude of reasons? should they just have not lived for not filling some biological task?
@toughTiger6481 He sort of thinks of me as a dad. His biological father came back into the picture when he was about 8. He's a decent enough guy, honestly, and they have a lot of good memories together. He showed up four times a year, brought a bunch of toys and then left, like a personal Santa Claus.
Now that my step son is also a father, he mostly turns to his biological father. Both of them are bonded on a different level than him and I.
@supalark
In his growth til 8 you were involved and shaped him ... like you said only being Santa and bringing gifts only seems like a friend not there in tougher times.
Now as a dad he may feel bio is important but in the end his way of raising a child will reflect your influence and bio dad will see what he missed in day to day ....
@supalark
It takes a community to raise a kid. Personally, I take it with pride that I can help my friends with their children. Just because you don't have any of your own doesn't mean anything bad or make you any less. There are many fathers that don't want to be involved with their children, and I think it says a lot of you that you have. In my books you are a success.
What is it about having a biological child that you consider more worthy or successful than actually raising and loving a child as you did? Impregnating someone takes no effort and the true legacy any person leaves behind is measured by the positive impact they have on other people's lives.
You aren’t a Cuck. And Biologically speaking you are very significant. As long as your sperm is healthy you can bring life into this world my great uncle is 80 with a 3 year old. You did the work of a real man raising a child.
@supalark
Firstly, I understand where you are coming from. When at my lowest, I took stock of what I would be leaving behind and the answer I came up with was "just a pile of garbage".
But, time has passed and I like to think that I'm thinking more clearly. I can take stock and see that I have contributed to the world, both through significant acts *and* through simply being around to help others.
I firmly believe that our legacies can be more than mere genetics. Raising a child is a huge thing, regardless of whose child it is. The cuckoo steals resources, but you contributed, and did so knowingly. This is a good thing. When you are able, you might want to slowly build a list of other ways in which you have changed the world for the better. It took me some time, but it was worth it, and I remembered a lot more than I acknowledged when things were at their worst.
@supalark Who care's what resources you use? Go nuts, litter, do whatever you want. Screw public opinion.
@supalark I like to believe that the value we have as individual human beings is in being alive. It doesn’t matter how many children I have or how much money I made or if I contributed anything that will be in a history book or any book for that matter. It doesn’t mater if I build buildings or bridges or cure cancer or people remember me when I’m gone. I did not ask to be born. I didn’t ask to be dealt the cards that life dealt me. But damn it, I sure as heck am not going to be sobbing in my milk! Life is a fricken gift! That includes your life. So maybe try some gratitude for what you do have.
Wow. That’s pretty heavy my friend. I think you are very significant, and more formidable than you think, you helped raise your partners son, you sacrificed your time, so a child could have a good upbringing.
I hate the word cuck and think it is far too easily used these days. You are anything but. You did an honorable thing, that’s the stuff real men are made out of, hard work and selflessness. We didn’t ask to be born on this planet, we just have to make the best of the time and resources we have here. You are still young.
raising someone else’s child in my opinion doesn’t make you less of a man, it makes you more of one. The world needs more people like you.
we are all cogs in society, I can understand how you would feel that way. But there is a lot of beauty and goodness to be found in humanity and life. There’s more out there for you if you want to reach for it.
Sometimes our legacy isn’t genetic. If you leave things a little better than they would have been without you, that’s also a legacy. Being without children (tho you’ve already raised one) gives one the freedom to take social risks of “doing the right thing” that many parents cannot. I also wish I hadn’t been born, not because I never had kids, but because my best isn’t enough, ever. Why this narrow focus on procreation? Sounds like you’re listening to someone problematic. One has to consume resources to exist. Do not beat yourself up over it. Procreation alone being “of value” is a lie that serves those who benefit from lots of cheap labor from many impoverished homes. I’d argue that people (like me) create value by knowing themselves enough to know they’d be bad parents and opting out. Maybe the future isn’t something you’d want your loved ones to suffer. Maybe it sucks!
@supalark Well, you're feeling that way since you are tying your self worth to the essence of biological reproduction. If that were the only benchmark to asses people's significance, all the childless couples in the world would have been declared unworthy a long time ago!
But they aren't. And neither are you. For there are several other planes and levels to seek significance on. Try that: look at one good thing you've done and the happiness you derive from it.
That's what makes you significant. Done something that makes others happy? That's what makes you significant to others!
Try this exercise right now! You'll be surprised at how much of your goodness you've not noticed in your world!
By this standard, my son's biological father, who has never seen him or done anything for him, would be better/worthier than my partner, who has raised him for the past 8 years and is his dad in all the ways that matter. This is nonsense! You are worthier than anyone who "sires" a child but takes no responsibility. Raising a child is one of the greatest accomplishments of any human. Anyone can shoot a load. It takes years of hard work, dedication, and love to be a parent.
Are you perhaps consuming social media content where words like "cuck" and "biologically successful" are often used? If so, I would recommend that you take it with a big grain of salt.
I'm really sorry that you’re feeling this way, and I want you to know that your life has value, regardless of whether or not you have biological children. Raising and caring for your partner’s son is a meaningful contribution that many people wouldn’t be able to do. The love and support you’ve provided in that relationship are significant and impactful. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when we question our worth, but please remember that your existence isn’t defined solely by biology. You are more than just a cog in the system—you have the ability to connect with others, make a difference in their lives, and find purpose in ways you might not even realize yet. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to. You matter, and there are people who care about you.