Today I feel a little bit better

Today, I feel a little bit better than 3 days ago where I got a mental breakdown and a major emotional breakdown. It's like a surge of hatred just spew out of me and I could not stop crying. It made my father cried and I don't feel anything seeing him like that. It was horrible. Awful. It start on Sunday when I could not sleep a wink from Saturday and we were suppose to go to church physically for the first time. I was excited though but accidentally, I saw my family's group chat. I was jealous because they chat happily without me. I quit that chat group but it is because I got ignored a lot. My big sister who talk like a stranger to me, my younger sister who can't listen to me at all, my youngest brother whom always avoid talking about my problem. Only, my father cares deeply about me but because a lot of things happened in pandemic and before that, I felt that he had betrayed my trust...hence it's hard for me to trust him and always feel like I am alone in this family. My mom blatantly reject me. I know though in my brain that I need to accept who they are as they are and let my expectations on them go but my heart refuses to let go and it really hurts and stings to the point I am drain off, mentally and physically. We are christian family but I feel like I am falling apart and don't even know if I could go back to the right path..