Check-in week of May 29 2023
Hey
there, 35+ people! Here's our weekly check-in post.
How are you all doing today? I hope you are doing well.
This time of year is often a popular time for graduations and end-of-school-year celebrations. Because of that, many people are often looking back at what they’ve accomplished so far, at where they’ve come from, and thinking about their goals and plans for the future.
There is a song called “Dear Younger Me” (you can listen to it here if you’d like) that talks about what you might say to your younger self, in hindsight, knowing everything that you know now, but didn't know yet, back then.
It has some powerful reminders in the lyrics, like “It’s not your fault”, and “my pain should have never been my worth”.
I’m sure we have all learned some valuable, important, and possibly difficult life lessons along our life journeys….
Question - If you could go back to when you were younger, what age would you choose, and what would you tell yourself?
Look for my answer in the comments.
Have a hope-filled week, everybody!
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What would I tell myself?
I think I would go back to when I was a teenager. (I struggled quite a bit with my mental health from ages 15-18.) I would tell myself not to give up. Keep pushing. Keep finding the good. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you, and eventually you will begin to love and accept yourself, too.
Well, such a big question. I would want to go ALL the way back in hopes that it would be better now that I KNOW more. Those first developmental years directly affect our entire lives. It's so crucial that we are shown, taught and nurtured in the healthiest ways possible to ensure healthier lives.
@QuinbeeYes, you are right! The first years of our lives are essential in helping us learn and grow, and it's so important that children are nurtured during that time. What an interesting concept - a life do-over.
I was first diagnosed with depression in Grade 5, but it probably started developing in Grades 3 & 4. If I had to choose, I would go back and tell my younger self around Grade 3, let her know that she can seek for help from teachers at school. My parents provided no support nor understanding to what I was going through, so, I think because of that, things that happened in Grades 3 & 4, I had no one to share them with so it turned into depression by Grade 5. I know I shouldn't blame them that I turned out this way, but a couple of traumas happened in Grade 5 that was not taken care of on their end, that it still impacts me to this day. Childhood traumas are a struggle for life, when it wasn't resolved properly when it happened (could've called the Police to report it). We tried addressing it when I was in my mid-20s, but it has passed too long, we couldn't really do much about it. Oh well, there's nothing I can do now but live with the struggles.
@purplelady568
@Jaeteuk- Thank you for sharing what you've been through. It's so unfortunate that you didn't have trusted adults to turn to, when you needed them most. I'm sorry you experienced those things at such a young age. You're right, it is important to get help as soon as you can.
However, I know that you are working on yourself, working through those issues, and trying to learn and grow from them. You are such a strong person. I am glad that you are here, and part of the 35+ group. I always look forward to hearing from you! -Purple
Purple, that one particular trauma that happened in Grade 5, I don't think I'll ever recover from. I remember it so vividly as if it happened yesterday and I'm constantly reminded of it. Let's just say, it has to do with answering the phone and making phone calls. Mostly from answering than calling though. So, that is why, I've always requested my colleagues to text message me rather than call me. I'll basically only answer phone calls from family and doctors' offices.
I am working on other aspects of my depression though, and is continually learning from it, with ways to make me feel more at ease.
I'm happy to be a part of the 35+ group, and loving your check-ins.
I have thought of this many times and though my childhood wasn't the greatest I can never come up with an answer. I survived it and it made me who I am. I feel if anything had changed I wouldn't be me so I don't think I would want to say anything to my childhood self.
When I think about this I often think of my mom who I lost suddenly when I was 37. I wonder at times if I would have liked to know, but I wouldn't have changed anything had I known; we were best friends and saw each other almost daily up until she passed. My children and I were spending the day with her when she passed away.
I also often think of my ex and my current (up in the air guy), but I wouldn't want to know the pain they would cause me because I wouldn't have my children if I had.
In all reality I wouldn't want much of my life to change so I wouldn't tell my childhood self anything.
Everything that has gotten me to where I am at this point in my life has happened over the last four years so I wouldn't mind telling my adult self to trust my instincts more and to follow them because if I had I wouldn't be where I am currently; mentally or physically. Up until the last few years I was mentally strong, emotionally balanced and physically content which may not seem like a great life to most
@Meme8182 - I like what you said here - "I survived it and it made me who I am."
You're so right, our experiences shape us into the people we grow up to be. Like, for example, losing your mom suddenly and unexpectedly. A huge loss like that forms a hole in your heart and life.... but no matter how much you'd love to still have her with you, changing that event would put you in a different place than you are now.
I also think it's great that you would tell yourself to trust your instincts. When something doesn't seem right, or there are red flags, it is ok to be wary, or stay way, and choose a different path. I know that -I- tend to doubt myself more often than not, so I really do appreciate those words of wisdom.
I really like your insights, and I'm glad you are part of the 35+ forum :)
Hi, it is my first time posting on any of the forums - so, I hope y'all don't mind me just jumping in like this. But reading over this really hit home tonight. I've been going through a lot over the past several months, and I think back a lot on my younger days. Also, you mentioned the whole graduation thing.
I dropped out of high school which has always been one of my biggest regrets. So recently, I have enrolled in an adult ed class and have been working on my GED. I'm down to the last test, and I was pretty excited to find out that I will actually get a high school diploma and transcript, not just a GED certificate. There's also a graduation that is coming up for the graduates. I kept saying I would not do that and didn't care. And honestly didn't think I did, I thought it would be kind of embarrassing honestly. But the closer it gets to the graduation date, and I haven't finished my test. it's been kinda upsetting knowing that I won't have the choice if that makes any sense.
I know that wasn't really the point of the post.
Some days I tell myself I wish I could go back and tell 13-14 year old me not to get involved with the people I got involved with, not to go down that road.
But then I wonder, although I'm not happy with where my life is now if I changed any of that, would I have my girls? I couldn't imagine a life never knowing them.
There are so many paths I wish I never took, and so many I wish I did instead.
I think, in all honesty, no matter how much I would want to tell her not to do this and that, I would have to let her make her own decisions, I would want to tell her how incredibly beautiful, how incredibly smart, kind, caring and just all around wonderful she is. That she doesn't see it now, but one day, she will. I wish I could go back and just hug that little girl, hold her close, and let her know, let her have the love she was so desperately craving from anyone.
Oh, wow... I'm sorry for all that rambling. I guess things have been getting to me worse than I thought and I needed to talk to someone more than I thought. - Again, sorry, I sound like a mess right now, I know.
@Lemur85 - Hey Lemur, thanks for jumping in and sharing your thoughts with us! I am so proud of you for re-entering school, pushing yourself to hit your goals, finish those tests, and get your high school diploma! That is a BIG DEAL! The fact that you did it in a non-traditional way, makes it even more meaningful, in my opinion.
I hear you, when you say that the choice to walk and celebrate with others at a graduation ceremony was taken from you. I know a lot of people who finished their degrees in 2020, during the pandemic, and they also feel like they were forced to miss out on a lot of those celebratory, transitional moments.
I like the advice you would give yourself. I do think it is important to make our own choices and forge our own way in life, even if it gets messy at times. And like you said, if you had changed some of those choices, you may not have your daughters, or the same experiences and life lessons, and you might not be quite the same person that you are today.
Lemur, I'm so glad you have joined us here. I hope you will share more of your thoughts very soon. -Purple
@purplelady568
if i could go back in time to a certain part of my life, i would go back to 1999, when i was 16 years old. i would tell my younger self everything i currently know about practicing good mental and physical hygiene from the present me.
then, i would tell the 16 year old me everything i currently know about saving money from working and preparing for the future...
@NewYorker11 It sounds like you've learned some really good life lessons about mental health and finances! That would be great advice.
I wonder if our younger selves would listen?
l am also partial to the late 1990s 😁
@purplelady568
@purplelady568 thanks for your kind words!
i am the same, partial to the 1990's and 2000's, great memories of high school, university, working experience, family and friendship!
great question - wondering if our younger selves would actually listen and take the advice given?
the most practical way to be is to learn from the past and not let mistakes happen again!
Feeling dysregulated today.
@futureLPCmpd - hey, sorry to hear you are feeling dys-regulated today.
What do you think would help you feel differently?
Also, an idea - you may get more replies by posting in General Support or Journals and Diaries (just keep in mind, you can't post the same thing in multiple forums).
I would go back to when I was a very young child, running around happy. Before the world told me that I was ugly and unacceptable, that I had to make myself small and not take up too much space, that I have to be very quiet and never draw attention to myself. Before I learned that what I feel doesn't matter, what I want doesn't matter. I would tell that very young child nothing, nothing of the rules that life has taught me, the rules that shackle me. I would tell that very young child nothing about the fate that's waiting. I would tell them nothing, just watch them silently as they ran and laughed and I would let them be happy.
@FrozenGhost - your reply is like a beautifully sad and heartfelt poem! I wish you joy and happiness and the freedom to be whoever you'd like to be, without restraints.
@purplelady568
A lot of people might find my comment controversial but the truth is the past can never be changed. But another truth is that the Past... has passed away.
You have learned and you have improved. Life is moving on, there's not enough time to keep looking back to shed tears on what we could have done to make it better, because you have the knowledge make it better now.
Although, when you're tired and in your leisure, looking back on all the good times you had and how much you've learnt, laughing at the stupid mistakes you made in ignorance and being thankful that those tragedies are over.
@AJneon - you know what, you are right. We cannot change what has already happened. But we can accept it, learn from it, and try to do better in the future. Maybe that's what I was thinking of, doing better in the future, when I wrote this post.
@purplelady568
I'm glad you think so too... There's really no need to undermine ourselves. We sometimes kinda build up problems for ourselves that aren't really there... Jut a minor misunderstanding with our selves.
I appreciate your understanding. ( :
@AJneon Yes, I appreciate your insights! Thank you for being part of the 35+ community! :)
@purplelady568
My pleasure.
I am not well.
@GCHJVB7978- I am sorry to hear that you are not doing well.
Thank you for checking in here and letting us know. That takes courage!
Please reach out to myself or another listener if you'd like to talk more about what you are going through, and what you've been thinking and feeling. You can find a listener to chat with anytime, 24/7, by going here: www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/