35+ Working through things
First post so we'll see where this goes- I'll be an open book and hopefully someone else will find it helpful as well. I'm 37, 2 kids, in a relationship with my ex-wife....trying to understand why I am outwardly happy only for short periods-even if happy inside- and always default to being synical...which leads to depression, self doubt, little patience, inconsistency, and a less than happy spouse....I have a great life although stressful....clearly it's something that needs to be addressed.
@redTangerine4784
I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel like you're constantly battling those negative emotions. I think you’ve taken a big step in joining. Welcome!💜
Thank you, I appreciate the comment! After some reflecting on all of it, I'd say a good portion of it comes from 1-not taking time for myself and practicing self care/love and 2- the irrational correlation between self-worth and net worth, where the more money I have means I'm worth more...when the two shouldn't have that correlation. And that's where I'm at today
And the latest today-a bit of a struggle, balancing how to make yourself better and mend a damaged relationship....we discussed future plans and her want to buy a house and remain close by and my intentions of buying an RV and traveling as needed....open communication has been harder but in the same breath it's been so my SO can have space to figure out her thoughts and wants (which she is unsure of) So how do I work on a relationship if she is unsure if it's what she wants? All I can do is make myself better and put that out to see if we are ending up on the same page...feels more like a struggling rant today....
I have found that the energy it takes to-for lack of a better phrase- show up, continually attempt to prove myself for someone who's perfectly fine with walking away, is exhausting.....attempting to find the balance between time for myself and self care vs taking on the other responsibilities and trying to still be a partner and co-parent is not an easy task....nor is it the healthiest mentality or emotionally...but I can say my self worth is still high and I haven't become depressed-just accepting of the situation
Latest update- the relationship I wanted and tried to save was, currently, unsalvageable, both parties didn't have the same image and hopes going forward. After 12 years we mutually agreed to stop trying. One of the hardest decisions I've ever made....do I think it's over? No......do I believe it can still come back? YES.....in the mean time, I focus on myself and being better for me...and chasing my dreams for once.....continue to follow along on this journey....
@redTangerine4784 thank you for sharing this with us. It takes courage to be vulnerable. I can't imagine how difficult it was for you stop engaging in that relationship. I am so glad that you have hope for the future, though.
It sounds like you have become more aware of your own strength and weaknesses. I love that you want to practice more self care and work on bstyering yourself. Those are healthy habits, and I hope they wl help you grow and change for the better(and possibly help you to feel less stressed).
Take care! 🙂
Its scary opening up to strangers I've not really got used to this app but hoping it helps me also!
I totally get what your saying, I have these moments too like now I can't sleep im doing the over thinking keeping me awake torture that we like to do to ourselves haha, I have to be up at 6am so I will be lucky if I get 6hrs sleep and its always stuff that I have no control over, I have no idea if I would be classed as depressed or just a worrier but it can be so hard to pull yourself out of those ruts.
Well it's been more than a year now and I find myself in a familiar situation....after a through conversation last night, it may be that I have issues with validation and being secure.
When work is going well and I'm doing good, I put all I have into it-even to the detriment of my kids and wife...And I'm gone 75-80 hours a week doing the job. If work is going poorly, I put all my time and energy into my wife and kids. Obviously it creates a problem-if I worked less, it would make it more difficult to pay bills so I can't just change that up.....there's more to it, just the tip of the iceberg
