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What are 20 yr olds supposed to think about?

gecko1287 May 21st, 2023

I am a girl in college, I turned 20 yesterday. I spend too much time worrying about when I will finally get to be with someone.

I've had short periods of time where I'll be talking to a guy I'm interested in, but they always choose some other girl over me. She's always thinner and shorter than I am, I'm definitely a larger woman than they want me to be, I guess. This has happened to me so many times over that my body image has basically fallen into the gutter. I can't even blame them for that; physical attraction isn't something any of us can control.

Alone in my room, I like my body. I think I look cuddly and cute, with my squishy stomach and back rolls. Boys do not agree. They don't want someone with the audacity to take up so much space, maybe. And it has been crushing me. All I think about now is how much I want to be smaller, thinner, to take up less of that space, and my binge eating disorder has gotten so much worse this year because I keep getting larger.

I'm extremely confident in my personality; I'm empathetic, kind, fun to be around, and some of my friends even seem to find me funny. I would make an incredible girlfriend. But I've really begun to obsess over this stuff, if I'm being honest. At any given moment, if I had to share what I was thinking about, I would be either thinking about the most recent guy that passed me up for the petite girl this semester and how I wish I could've been skinny and tiny enough for him, or I am thinking about how much I hate my body and wish I was skinnier.

I do my best to recognize my privilege when I get caught up thinking about this, because I'm lucky to get to get a higher education and I am lucky to have female friends I can trust and rely on. But truly this is all my brain will think about, I get caught in these obsessive thought cycles, and I try to tell myself that other people have real struggles they're dealing with and it doesn't help stop the obsessive thoughts at all, really. Grass is always greener, I suppose.

If you read all of that, why thank you, I hope you can't relate but if you can, I'm sorry. I would like to know, what am I supposed* to be thinking about? I figure I can stop obsessing over boys and how big I am if I find something else to think about. But what the h e l l are the rest of you guys thinking about all day long? I could use some inspiration.

Thanks for your attention

5
toughTiger6481 May 21st, 2023

@gecko1287

life is more then boys and at 20 you have tons of time for relationships and such.

Are you really happy with you? ....... do you think finding a person who only is looking at body is worth it ..... connections are much much more...... and someone will see you and it is not about size.

2 replies
gecko1287 OP May 29th, 2023

@toughTiger6481 I'm not sure, really. I also don't want to be with someone who only cares about appearance, but everyone cares somewhat, and I feel like its the first thing people see and notice. I think I'm just sick of being alone, I've always been alone in a romantic sense and I know I'd be an incredible girlfriend and I'm ready to have something like that in my life, but I feel like it's never been my choice whether or not I'm in a relationship. Because of my size, its not even an option for me and that feels unfair, all I do is obsess over being smaller and I work out every day and eat right and still i do not get any smaller.

1 reply
toughTiger6481 May 30th, 2023

@gecko1287

I want you to know you are not alone ....... really you are not....

Relationships are hard for everyone ......No one gets a choice of when or where a relationship blooms ............regardless of size....... stress and worry about size only makes it harder.

Example : i started a workout program ............. i want to tell you it was a success because of willpower or whatever what made a difference was not that .......it was my attitude.........

i found a way to be happy and feel beautiful and a light came on ............i lost a bit but really not enough to be the reason..... It is i am comfortable and confident in myself.

I wish i could tell you i hope you find what you are looking for........... but in my world when something real happens ... no one planned it..... they may not even fit your idea in your head.... and things you might have wanted change.

I see many who plan and put on a good show ..... but it ends quickly ...... WHY ....... because so many feel the can't or shouldn't be alone...that someone .....somewhere .... is keeping score of if you are matched up or not...... That is make believe....


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IloveArtandScience June 4th, 2023

@gecko1287 I am a 21 year old guy and all I want to say is you are not alone. I consider myself a very ambitious person I have achieved a lot of things at a young age and I am still working hard towards my goals. I have been alone my whole life in a romantic sense. The fact that I have always been single just makes me think about it every day. I also know my value, so I never tried to be with a person that I don't find with the qualities that I want, just for the sake of being with someone. I tried more than three times in a friendly manner to be with the girls that I thought would make a good partner but I just ended up being ghosted. I decided not to try again, and so I remain in the loneliness cycle. Whenever I see a girl, any sort of feeling that comes up I just shut it down because am afraid of another disappointment . Sometimes I just tell myself maybe fate has something in store for us. Then so be it.

lthelonewolf21 June 11th, 2023

Hey :)

I read through all of your stuff and some of it felt really familiar or I've heard it from friends.


First: You should know that you are good the way you are. There is a reason you are who you are - but if you are unhappy with yourself, know that nothing is forever and you can change, if you feel the need.


A quote that helped me a lot with viewing my own boey as beautiful is: "You are your own godess and your body is your temple." Take care of your body. Love yourself and praise yourself. Know your worth.


Plus: Don't make yourself dependant. Wanting a boyfriend is cruel because the more you want it, the less you get it. Be yourself, smile, it will come naturally. Find out how to be happy on your own and then you will truly attract boys, I'm sure!


I hope you will be alright!


Love, L.