Struggling with feeling like I deserve relationships/lonliness

I’ve never really dated anyone— and I’ve had some rocky relationships with “dating”— both online and not— in the past; gr00ming and whatnot. I think it’s impacted my ability to open up and feel secure about others. I’m currently crushing on two separate people who likely have no idea; it’s not even them, specifically, it’s the idea of being in a secure enough place with someone to be with them on that intimate of a level. One of them I’ve known for a year or two now, and we click about certain weird internet things on an emotional level— one of them is my classmate, and he’s really intriguing. I want to get to know him better but I’m a little too nervous to ask him to hang out alone.

I’ve been faced with rejections and having to reject people with a lack of mutual interest over the last couple of years; I found myself walking home from a cafe doubting myself. It’s very likely there’s no mutual interest here, but I’m neurodivergent and sometimes I have a hard time understanding and navigating those feelings. I’m also hella insecure about weight gain, my appearance, a lot of my personality and interests so that doesn’t help.

all that is to say— anyone have any advice for any of this? And even if not, thanks for reading. :)