Never enough and sad

a rant bcs it’s just a lot

I’m pretty sad that what I do is never enough for my parents. Even though I do well in uni my mom always doubts me. She continuously tells me to make sure to finish my studies even though I’ve never given her any indication of wanting to quit. She tells me to do things ahead of time even though I literally can’t because I can’t do work before I’ve had the classes. She does not understand how the system works yet continuously has things to say. Now that I’ve been able to use other credits for my minor, meaning I have some extra time this semester which I want to use to work more hours so I can take it easy while I have my thesis, she tells me to just take extra courses even though this won’t add anything to my degree. She never went to university and doesn’t get how it works, yet continues to comment on it. I feel like, whatever I achieve, it won’t be enough for her and she’ll always tell me to work harder and do better. I’m doing a lot. I follow a full time study, I work like 20 hours a week, I live with my boyfriend and take care of our home and pets together. Yet none of this seems to matter to her.

Then there’s my dad who contributed nothing to my life other than trauma. This man had the nerve to tell me how to look for jobs after my studies (even though I have like 1,5 years left??) and what to do even though he had no part in raising me and also did not attend university so he doesn’t know how that sh*t works. he also refuses to contribute to my studies (he and my mom saved money for my studies). For context, he told me he feels bad about being such a sh*t dad and had a cry over it yet he can’t even contribute to me financially (and yes he has the money for it) because of no reason apparently ? This is an issue between my parents but they like to make it my problem.

My relationship with both of them has been rocky. My mom does not know how to deal with feelings at all and lacks empathy. She neglected me and my sibling emotionally which strained our relationship. My dad is just a big a-hole who dumped us to live with his new girlfriend and her kids. He just neglected us overall and then has the nerve to cry about being a sh*t dad and wanting to do better, but not showing any changes in his actions.

I’m doing well at school, at work, in my relationships, and generally in life, and I’m just really sad neither of my parents seem to realise this and don’t appreciate me.