I wish to be transparent.
I am insecure for everything that i am and everything that i do (or dont do). I hate the feeling that people watch me and judge me. even if the intentions arent bad. everyone constantly watches others and judges them conciously or unconciously. and then i hear them talking about others.. and even if they dont talk i can feel that many are judging in their head.
And i know that in theory pthers opinions doesnt matter and i should concentrate on myself. But i cant. i could do that if i knew what i wand and am goning my way. But im just figuring myself out and am so insecure doing so. i feel like im doing little things wrong or weird ( or dont do anything which is even weirder) and i dont want anyone seeing me doning that. I hate the feeling of doing something wrong. I kinda which i could do things alone in quiet without anyone noticing, and some day presenting myself wiht someting i have achived, saying (st least a little) conifident, thats what i do and what i am. I know thats an utopia and thats not gonna happen. But in some ways i figured out how to not drive to much attentionon mayself and be a little bit more invisible to many people.
I know i probably should get out of this cycle and make it possible to move forward, but i kinda dont want that. in some way i want to stay in my comfort zone forever, being invisible and not doning anything.
@Keineahnung123
"I know i probably should get out of this cycle and make it possible to move forward, but i kinda dont want that. in some way i want to stay in my comfort zone forever, being invisible and not doning anything."
I copied your last line because i have seen this time and time again and you know what ... later in life when you find your " l do not give a *hit " ... you will regret all the time you missed or wasted staying in your comfort zone and being invisible and doing NOTHING....
Time is a very valuable asset that most do not see until they are older.... but no one knows how much time they get in life and you do NOT get a do-over or more time on the clock because you chose to stay on the sidelines.
IF someone is secretly judging you from a glance or you walked by ........that is on them not you. Many judgmental people do so to feel superior or better about themselves .......it is not about you personally.
if you hide and do nothing to avoid them then you have given them power to effect you...