Improving or disillusioned?
I've been thinking a lot lately, actually thinking a lot is the norm for me. Why do I feel numb? I can't explain it? Like there's something missing and I can't tell what? Have you felt this way before but then again I wonder why I feel this way with everything I'm doing right.
I'm trying to be a better version of myself, I have a lot of breakdowns, panic attacks, low self esteem, social anxiety, an unhealthy tendency of over comparing myself to people and honestly I just cry a lot.
In my journey in trying to be better because I can't afford therapy and well being my own therapist is kinda hard? Has anyone ever done that before though? Any tips, I mean I bought some glasses to put me into the 'therapist mode' but looking back at it now, not sure that was effective🤔
So if you have any tips, I really don't mind. Okay going back to what I was saying....
Trying to be better has been a struggle for me, I exercise now, trying to stick to habits, tryna read more books and also trying to improve my relationship with God... I'm not as uhm disfunctional as I used to be but I still hate myself and compare, oh and I forgot I'm lonely too. I'm improving but it feels like there are so many holes I haven't patched up? Is this normal or am I failing at it or too slow? I really can't tell if I'm moving forward coz it looks like nothing is changing but yet I don't cry so much and some days I smile more even though I don't have a reason too...
That's why I can't help wonder why I feel numb? Am I missing something or just dissatisfied? I'm so confusing?
I really wouldn't mind suggestions from anyone who's been here or experienced something similar and well I'm glad I have a community to actually share such deep thoughts so thank you.
@Dreee
I have done my own sort of therapy but the reality is "trying to " is not getting it done like putting on exercise clothes then sitting on the couch ... i could say i was trying...but in fact i know my level of effort. Therapy either self or with a therapist Often challenges your perspective... and gives you options to go another route.Â
Maybe taking notes would help in the moment and reflecting back a day later .... what i found helpful is debating practice... for anyone who had a debate class in high school ..... you anticipate the questions or challenges to your thoughts... Imagine having to try to explain your issues to someone else. what sort of questions or challenges would that present?   the thing is if you do therapy with a mirror i have a hard time either lying or stretching the truth to myself when I know the truth.Â
i recently had a session with a therapist (first one in years) while they listened ......they also challenged me in letting me know my triggers and things were small and not really worth the anger or anxiety i was experiencing.Â