How does one cope with the heartbreak of a relationship that never existed?

@Dreee Relationships come with risks. Have a solid relationship with yourself that allows you weather relationship storms. My guess is that someone who blames you and runs would have the same reaction if you mentioned these feelings earlier. Whose the real coward? 

@Dreee

have you considered that pain is self induced  and pain is not in missing a relationship that never was.... but missing the idea or dream of what could be. Letting go of the hopes and dreams we have for anything........... a person / a possibility is hard because we never add what if's and problems in our fantasy. 

 Maybe he was not ready for you to open up and confess and while I do not think you are  weak ....I would wonder why someone took so many years to open up .   Imagine yourself in their shoes, Would  you feel awkward knowing someone was had  a crush on you and tells you years into it.  That each smile in past or sideways look could have meant more then you think. Maybe they need time to take it all in.

@Dreee The fact that you told him about how you feel counts as a lot and most certainly shows courage. It's him who apparenlty didn't value your approach. 

@Dreee

Hi Dreee! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your forum post, for reaching out for support and I know it can be really hard to do sometimes. I commend you for doing so and we are here for you! ❤️

I'm so very sorry that someone treated you this way and that now you have go through this. It's okay to go through the grief process. You were interacting with this person and for quite a long time. Who wouldn't be sad? Who wouldn't be devastated? Just because there wasn't a certain "label" put on the interactions, the relationship....no matter what type of "ship" that it was, doesn't mean that you didn't have feelings and you showed up for this person. 

It sounds as if this person put you through a lot. It sounds as if you were trying to be kind and to "go along to get along" in the hopes that things would eventually get better. Clearly they did not, you finally found courage, you found your voice and you expressed yourself. Once again, a big round of applause for you my friend! (as well as great big *hugs* ❤️ ).

Some people do mistake kindness for weakness. Some think that they will get away with what it is that they are doing without the realization that everyone truly does have their limits and it sounds as if you found yours.

Many times when people behave this way, once they are confronted, realize that they have been "found out" and are being seen for the person that they truly are.....what they have been all along...of course they blame shift, put the blame on others. They can see that kind person as no longer a viable target, someone that they can no longer abuse and for them, it's time to move along to another and so they block. Their (not) lovely "parting gift" is to call someone else horrible names, cast the blame onto the recipient of the abuse as their ego cannot handle the fact that they are in the wrong. Gee, how convenient to victim blame. Truly is adding insult to injury.

Abusers like this do not want to answer for their behavior as it's quite enjoyable for them. On to the next. It's in an effort to hunt down another source of supply/fuel as abusers cannot abuse with out someone to do it to. 

Again, I am so very sorry this was done to you. You have a right to your feelings and you have the right to go through the grief process and I think someone mentioned above the great phrase "death of a dream" as it seems quite fitting in this instance.💡

We care about you! You are not alone! ❤️

As an aside, I would not be surprised if at one point in time, you were eventually "unblocked" with them making a direct path to you in an effort to "chat you up" once again. This part of the pattern of behavior can be referred to as "hoovering" as just like the hoover vacuum cleaner, they come back to pull more from you. Many times people like this enjoy keeping around multiple sources of supply, people to toy with, abuse, etc. as this feeds their ego. If another figures them out, they go back to old sources of supply. If that happens, it would certainly be up to you as to how you would like to handle it. I know how it is that I would address it however, I cannot provide advice here. 

If you would like, feel free to go to our browse listener page. You can even use the filters to search for a trained active listener that is highly knowledgeable about the grief process, trauma, relationship issues, abuse, etc. We have an entire community that cares about you and would love nothing more than to provide you with a safe and "soft spot" to land. 

Dreee, again, thank you for having the courage to reach out. I know it's hard and even with your forum post you'll be letting others know that they are not alone if they struggle with the very same thing. 

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️ my friend! 

@Dreee

Hi there. If he doesn’t count that you told him everything you told him then I think it’s well known who the real coward is and it’s not you dear. You had the courage and bravery to post everything on here. Something I admire and thank you for sharing with us. 

To answer your question that makes up the title of this post, I cope with the heartbreak of a relationship that never happened but telling and reminding myself of the following:

1. It’s their loss bc they’re the ones who are gonna be missing out and in fact they already missed out since they didn’t allow themselves the opportunity to try something out with someone and see what happens, where/how far it goes, what the potential is if there is any, etc. 

2. There’s so many people that there’s no shortage of them. I’ll always end up seeing someone else who maybe even better than the one/ones who said no. 

If you can tell and keep reminding yourself of these same things I believe that like me you’ll be just fine and the heartbreak will eventually fade away.