sensibleLake7 Member Profile

...See more I've always been afraid of bugs as long as I remember. In my daily life, I do lots of things I don't even notice anymore like checking my shoes and bed and drinks in case of bugs and things like that. I'll jump and run from them outside but I normally am fine if they're outside because I can escape from it and they belong there. I have real problems when they get inside my house, specifically my room. Last summer on my first day home from college, a few crane flies showed up on my light, on my laptop, and in my bed and scared me so badly I couldn't sleep in my room all summer. Now at school, I've moved into an older building but my graduating friends previously lived in the apartment we live in now and never saw any bugs the whole year so I assumed it wouldn't be a problem. Almost a month ago, I saw a cockroach near my door and it started to make it's way around my room. Luckily my screaming and crying awoke my roommate who came and killed it. That shook me pretty bad but after a few weeks I was able to be in my room with little trouble and started sleeping with the lights off again, because I could assume it was just a one off thing and I know it didn't originate in my room. Unfortunately, Monday night I saw another scutter across the ground and just closed the door and stayed in our living room and cried all night. We checked my room the next morning and it was gone, and I called the building control people just in case and they sent an exterminator who said they were coming from the drain in the bathroom and he sprayed the drain. I haven't seen any since then, but my anxiety has not subsided. My anxiety (I have GAD so it's always there) has flaired up immensely and I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. I've been afraid to be home alone, afraid to be in my room, afraid to sleep in there, afraid to take a shower, and just have an overwhelming and unbearable sense of dread and fear. It's lessened over the week but I still have the most trouble at night when I wake up and must go back to sleep. I'm just so afraid to let my guard down because if I see another cockroach I genuinely think I'll lose it. I'm so afraid of them, mostly because they're big and I'm afraid they will fly. I'm afraid they'll make their way into my bed and I just don't feel safe anywhere in my room. It's hard to imagine that just a few weeks ago I was able to be in my own space without feeling like this. I'm just so afraid that more will show up because I have to live here for the year and there's nowhere to go. Even after the exterminator and buying Raid, I feel just as afraid. I'm sure this fear will pass with time but just the fact I can't guarantee it will never happen again terrifies me because I don't like uncertainty and just feel like I'm living in perpetual anticipation of another bug showing up. If it had just happened the one time, I could think it was just a fluke, but because it happened twice I'm afraid they will just be around all the time and it's a pattern and I've genuinely never felt such a certainty that something will happen. I see them everywhere even when they're not there. It's miserable. I'm constantly looking around my room expecting to see a roach and it's horrible cause I feel like it's inevitable and as soon as i turn my head there one will be. I don't know how to comfort myself or calm down or return to normal life. I'm going to buy a bug barrier spray my dad recommended to hopefully give me peace of mind. If anyone has some words of encouragement or anything please please please help me. I can't go on like this forever.

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