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quietAvocado5442
88 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2020 Member sinceMarch 28, 2020
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My heart is broken
Journals & Diaries / by quietAvocado5442
Last post
 March 28th, 2020
...See more I am feeling so very alone. I feel betrayed. I feel unloved, misunderstood and possibly unloveable. I am confused. My sister and my niece have cut me from their lives. It's so sudden but it isn't. I felt the tension. I've asked. I've tried. I feel rejected. I would have died for them. They mean everything to me. They are my family. I thought they loved me. Not only do they not love me, they don't like me (that is what I thought I was feeling) and now, I think they actually hate me. Maybe not hate but they sure don't want me around. I don't understand. God I swear I don't. Yes mind is spinning. I can't stop crying. The way I have been treated is so unfair and so disrespectful. Why don't they care? Why won't they hear me? Why don't they ask? What did i do? What did I do?????? I'm distraught. I just am scrabbling with my emotions. I want to call and I want to talk but i know it doesn't help. How many times do I have to expose myself to rejection in an attempt to heal something. It's almost abusive really. It's just horribly unfair. And yet, all I can think is that this is karma hitting me. I've broken hearts. I've been so cold. I've let people down. I'm divorced. I now understand the pain I've caused people. I know now how it feels to have the ones you love the most tell you that who you are is not enough. The dynamic is unique and dysfunctional and we're all damaged. I've loved as best I could. I gave all I had. From my soul. None of it appreciated. Reciprocated.
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