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pepethepineapple
1 771 M Little Steps
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2016 Member sinceJuly 10, 2015
Recent forum posts
I can't cope anymore... *multiple trigger warnings* (re upload)
Trauma Support / by pepethepineapple
Last post
 August 24th, 2015
...See more This is really hard for me to talk about but here goes nothing. I was born a normal girl. A happy, smart, friendly, polite girl. I was brought up in a normal middle class environment with my brother, mum and dad. In primary school (or elementary for Americans) I was always happy and had a small group of friends. When I got to my last year, these girls (except one) started being mean to me and teasing me and they had always been a little b*tchy. Then I got my first, then second boyfriend and I foolishly said to a male "friend" that I preferred my boyfriend to my friends. He told them and the girls all started turning on me. None of them liked me anymore and this really brought down my confidence. The one nice friend I had came back to me and she is still a friend to this day. I made another friend (male this time) who I'm also close to now. By the first day of high school (middle school for Americans) I thought I'd been through a really bad time in primary but I hadn't! I went to high school with only one other person from my primary school. I made a few friends and everything was fine. Until my mum told me and my brother that she had depression, anxiety and alcoholism. Her body became reliant on alcohol for the next few years and is still recovering to this day. Half way through my first year of high school/ middle school I stopped getting bullied but the sexual, verbal and physical abuse started. People thought they could take advantage of me and started hurting me physically and verbally. And then it started. The abuse. the sexual abuse. A boy in my year started touching me on my thighs, my butt, elsewhere... It was always in class so it was over my clothes, under the desk. He then started verbally abusing me saying " I hope you get raped" and "you dumb f*cking ginger" and it really hurt. I didn't tell anyone about any of this. I couldn't. I was to embarrassed. I told a friend that I was scared about my mums drinking and she told the school who got me a school therapist. I couldn't talk to her at all so I acted fine until they stopped the therapy because they thought I was ok. But I wasn't. I never have been. By this time i started suspecting that I had generalised anxiety (GAD) and depression. I couldn't tell anyone about it so it hasn't been diagnosed but some online tests prove as a second opinion. Apparently I do have GAD and severe depression. Since then, I started hurting myself. First by pulling out my hair, then scratching my skin, then by cutting my thighs. I engraved words like worthless and slut into my thigh. Then my possible eating disorder emerged. Eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS) started tearing apart my life. But the worst part about this story, by far, is that all of this is still going on. ALL OF IT. Nobody knows this and, honestly I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore. Just letting you know that I am 13 and this all started when I was about 9. The abuse, my mums drinking and the mental illnesses among other things are still happening to this day. I'm a monster. I need help. Please someone say something, anything. I wrote this through tears... Just to let you know, the reason this was re uploaded was because I want a second opinion of what I should do <3
I can't cope anymore... *multiple trigger warnings*
Trauma Support / by pepethepineapple
Last post
 August 23rd, 2015
...See more This is really hard for me to talk about but here goes nothing. I was born a normal girl. A happy, smart, friendly, polite girl. I was brought up in a normal middle class environment with my brother, mum and dad. In primary school (or elementary for Americans) I was always happy and had a small group of friends. When I got to my last year, these girls (except one) started being mean to me and teasing me and they had always been a little b*tchy. Then I got my first, then second boyfriend and I foolishly said to a male "friend" that I preferred my boyfriend to my friends. He told them and the girls all started turning on me. None of them liked me anymore and this really brought down my confidence. The one nice friend I had came back to me and she is still a friend to this day. I made another friend (male this time) who I'm also close to now. By the first day of high school (middle school for Americans) I thought I'd been through a really bad time in primary but I hadn't! I went to high school with only one other person from my primary school. I made a few friends and everything was fine. Until my mum told me and my brother that she had depression, anxiety and alcoholism. Her body became reliant on alcohol for the next few years and is still recovering to this day. Half way through my first year of high school/ middle school I stopped getting bullied but the sexual, verbal and physical abuse started. People thought they could take advantage of me and started hurting me physically and verbally. And then it started. The abuse. the sexual abuse. A boy in my year started touching me on my thighs, my butt, elsewhere... It was always in class so it was over my clothes, under the desk. He then started verbally abusing me saying " I hope you get raped" and "you dumb f*cking ginger" and it really hurt. I didn't tell anyone about any of this. I couldn't. I was to embarrassed. I told a friend that I was scared about my mums drinking and she told the school who got me a school therapist. I couldn't talk to her at all so I acted fine until they stopped the therapy because they thought I was ok. But I wasn't. I never have been. By this time i started suspecting that I had generalised anxiety (GAD) and depression. I couldn't tell anyone about it so it hasn't been diagnosed but some online tests prove as a second opinion. Apparently I do have GAD and severe depression. Since then, I started hurting myself. First by pulling out my hair, then scratching my skin, then by cutting my thighs. I engraved words like worthless and slut into my thigh. Then my possible eating disorder emerged. Eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS) started tearing apart my life. But the worst part about this story, by far, is that all of this is still going on. ALL OF IT. Nobody knows this and, honestly I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore. Just letting you know that I am 13 and this all started when I was about 9. The abuse, my mums drinking and the mental illnesses among other things are still happening to this day. I'm a monster. I need help. Please someone say something, anything. I wrote this through tears...
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