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patientBeach3082
166 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceApril 27, 2024
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Sex controls my life!
Addiction Support / by patientBeach3082
Last post
 May 12th
...See more I’m new on here and this is actually my very first post. I’ve been looking for a way to get through this addiction to sex. I just turned 41 and it’s only been in the last couple of years that I have come to the realization that what I have is an actual addiction and it’s causing more and more problems. I don’t know when it started, but I feel like it started as soon as I hit puberty. As soon as I found out what masterbating was, it seemed it went all down hill from there. First girl I had sex with was when I was 17, but oddly enough I didn’t actually start having sex with a lot of people until almost 20. I could write a novel about all of this, but I will say that after almost 25 years of having sex, I have absolutely no idea how many women I have been with. I know it’s been more than 100, and probably even more than 200. Like I said though, over the past couple of years it’s been getting harder to deal with. I’ve been married now for 8 years. The secret flings and random sex with strangers has become harder to hide. She knows… not everything… but enough to cause constant fighting. Thing is the fighting is always about something else, but I know the underlying issue is her trust of me. But what hurts even more is the change in how she sees me as a person and husband. I don’t feel like she sees me as a good person anymore. I may be wrong, but that’s how it feels, and it hurts. As for the constant need for sex, it controls me every day. I can’t even look at a woman in public without asking myself if I would have sex with her or not. And if the opportunity comes up I always try to pass my number along. I can’t help it. I love sex. I love how it makes me feel. I love the rush and excitement of both the sex and the pursuit of sex… the excitement of doing something you shouldn’t be doing. I also know that I’m pretty good at it. Not trying to sound conceited but it’s a common theme, along with my size. I sometimes feel like that’s all I have going for me as a man. I also watch porn, and now it’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to get off when having sex with my wife and I have to sneak a shower with porn session in later. And now living in a nothing to do West Texas town, I don’t know how to get sex off of my mind.
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