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navyBike1030
1,884 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 97 Compassion hearts90 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceJune 28, 2020
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Why am I so paranoid that my friends hate me?
Anxiety Support / by navyBike1030
Last post
 July 26th, 2020
...See more I am 14 and am a demiromantic bi asexual. This will kinda be relevant to this i think. My friends always try to reassure me that they don't hate me, often saying: "If we hated you, why would we hang out with you?" and they often say that i'm wholesome or that they jokingly simp for me, because my friend group jokily flirts with everyone inside. But then, they've created personal groupchats without me before. like one where everyone talked about their problems and stuff. everyone we knew closely in our server, was on it - apart from me. Even this one boy who we'd known for two weeks :(. then after about 8 days of not being on it, i was added and scrolled to the top immediately to see what they'd said about me. It turns out that that boy liked me and he was saying that he'd never have a chance with me. Until this one event that we were planning in the future. We planned to go to this house once we were 18 and we'd catch up and talk. He made it seem like he'd make moves on me at the vibe house. I've explain to my friends that i'm a demiromantic bi asexual and him flirting with me would literally have no effect. and everyone was okay with him just saying that he'd try something on me once we were there. But in the end, weeks later, he explained that he'd just projected his feelings onto me because he actually liked my best friend who was on the server and because there's like three girls there and one is known to be kinda asexual, he chose me because my best friend was 'out of his league'. And at least he wasnt creepy towards her, he made sexual jokes towards me :/ My friends always seem like they are angry with me on text but in real life it's fine. I'm probably reading into it too much but sometimes it's like they're all quiet and maybe in another server without me. idk but it just feels awkward when i ask a question and no one responds. Maybe i'm reading into it because well, like any teenager who has nothing to do, i read fanfics and i'm asexual and sex-repulsed, right? I only try reading ones that are cute or maybe have a bit of cuddling and kissing but as soon as i sense that it's going too far i click off. and usually after reading ones that go too far i feel repulsed and i question why i even read those things because 1)i dont understand them 2) i cant think of reasons people would.. do stuff like that. So after i read the fanfics (well i click off when it gets too much), it's usually then i doubt that my friends like me. Like if they can sense what i've done, that i'm disgusting. Idk, is it just me being paranoid or maybe am i actually a bad, disgusting friend?
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