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maR1ja
185 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceMarch 24, 2023
Bio

I just need someone to talk to . I deactivated all my social media account so i dont have communication with friends the way i used to . I dont want to share my problems to them because i am a provate person and i always make sure that people will think i am okay. I dont show my weaknesses to anywone that is why i chose to be alone for now .

Recent forum posts
Hello
General Support / by maR1ja
Last post
 March 27th, 2023
...See more I am Nee here and didnt know that i have to introduce my self first lol instead i already have share my story under relationshio and friendship topic . But no one has read it :( i ammnot sharing to my fammor friends or to anybody. But i tried it here to see if someone would really listen. Because i am really longing for it . I felt so alone right now . Facing my struggles alone .
Consequences of my mistake
Relationship Stress / by maR1ja
Last post
 March 28th, 2023
...See more Hi. i used to play online games , online business etc . But i dont make friends online . Sure, i communicate and be friends to some but not to a point of making it serious . Reality check it is because we dont know the people behind it . One day just and just for fun , i decided to entertain one person because he was consistent of bothering me. So we talk more and more daily . But my profile conists of different name different age etc . To make the long story short . i fell inlove because of his personality . And we had a really good conversation daily and we end up having conversation justnlike a couple. I liked him a lot until we do video calls . We sing together , we play piano , guitar etc. we both have almost rhe same likes and hobbies . But i am struggling on what and how to tell him the truth . He is just 30 and i am 37 separted and with a daughter and in my profile i was 26 single and a student (i know im stupid) . So i decided to come see him in person so i could tellhim about it . I went to his country (flight is like 15 hrs from mine ) . My plan was to tell him the truth and move on whatever his reaction would be . But when i arrived things were different , he prepared so much for it . He gave me a ring , he introduce me to his mom we ate with his family at dinner . I was so confused. And that day was so great like i am only dreaming that i xant beliv i have found the man of my dreams . I was not able to tell him the truth . But i tried to . We had a private moment in my hotel room( he actuallyninsisted for me to stay intheir house but i decided not to) . Going back .. , in my hotel room .. it was the only chance for me to tell him but fear and selfishness overcomes everything in me that night . It was a beautiful moment that i dont want to ruin. The next day i have to leave . So i left without correcting those biodata about me . I am actually just me but my name age and status is different to what he knew . I didnt know how to fix it. then after 2 months i found out im pregnant and he was so happy about it . He even wanted to get married soon . Idk what to do i was struggling . So finally before my birthday i told him everything because i cant continue to keep it anymore. And i dont want to celebrate my birthday with my lies . He was confused and of course hes upset. He tried to forgive me but after talking to his mom about it it was completely different and he told me he dont want the baby , so we decided to break up and move on. I kept the baby , i have no right to kill an innocent one . As my pregnancy progresses after few months without communication indecided to reach out to him. I already have acceptance that somehow maybe it would be ok if we can be friends and atlst he has uodate woth baby. We then become a very good friends and he was supportive . He even told me that he still cares and love me but he want more time to know what he really want to do because he is still confused . I did not force him or pressure him or anything i just said im just here . And i hope someday he can accept me and forgive me . Now that i am about to give birth , he started fading away which totally gives me too much pain and depression. I have been coming back and fort to ER because it stressess me a lot and causes me unusual contractions . I am so guilty because i dont want the baby to feel the toxins in my body . Baby is healthy as per my OB . And im trying my best that she will come out safely . I just dont know how to move on . Its was my fault in the first place .. i never told anyone . I amfacing it alone . I cant talk woth friends or family. Im scared to be judged. Im in an early labor right now , my mom is my only support now . And i am continously hiding the pain inside me . I honestly dont know what will happen next . This is the end of my story for now . I am lost .
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