loloxjoy Member Profile

...See more Hi, I’m new here, I was actually suggested to join by my therapist! I’ve been struggling a lot around the holidays with PTSD and anxiety regarding my brother. **TW suicide** Long story short, my brother attempted suicide last year and while he failed, he suffered a severe brain injury from the attempt. He’s now wheelchair bound, fully dependent, can’t speak, gtube fed, etc. I was the one who found him and that’s only because I wasn’t feeling well and came home early from school, otherwise no one would’ve been home for hours. last year during the holidays he was still hospitalized and everything was crazy. This year he is home though, and while he’s come so far, it’s like everything is hitting me now seeing all our traditions change. He couldn’t eat at Thanksgiving, he couldn’t play football with everyone, he slept most the day, he lashed out and cried (my mom thinks from being overwhelmed because he doesn’t understand why so many people were over) Now we’re starting the Christmas things and it already feels so different :( he couldn’t help us put up the tree, he held his stocking but I don’t think he knew what it was for. He’s not going to be able to decorate cookies, open presents, decorate the outside of the house. I am feeling so sad about it. I know I should be grateful he’s still here, but I miss him. He’s always been one of my best friends, I feel such a loss and then I feel guilty for feeling this way 😢😢 sorry this is long and thank you to anyone who actually got through it all💜

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