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floraM13
7,815 M Moving Along 7
PathStep 65 Compassion hearts258 Forum posts73 Forum upvotes104 Current upvotes104 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 1, 2020
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Hi!

Recent forum posts
Relapsed after three months (trigger warning)
Self-Harm Recovery / by floraM13
Last post
 November 7th, 2020
...See more Hi everyone. So, I was three months clean from self-harm. Then I failed a chemistry quiz yesterday, and I guess that caused me to spiral. It wasn't like I didn't know what I was doing, I knew exactly what I was doing, my brain gave me many chances not to self-harm, but I forced myself to. Every time I think of my grade I just want to self-harm over and over. At this point I don't know if it is worth trying to stay clean again. I'm just so frustrated and alone.
My first time *trigger warning*
Self-Harm Recovery / by floraM13
Last post
 June 23rd, 2020
...See more Today I self-harmed for the first time. I mean in the past I have scratched myself or hit myself, but they never left any marks and was just temporary, so I don't consider it as self-harm. But today I couldn't help myself, and did it. It didn't even hurt when I did it, and I didn't even think it worked because there was no signs that anything happened. But now, I can see the scars. They are really small and I don't think anyone will ever notice them, mainly because the tool I used is not common at all. But that isn't stopping my anxiety, there is one part of my brain thinking that evenings will notice, even though the rational part of my brain is telling me they won't. I don't know how to feel. I can't believe I did it, I didn't think I ever would. I don't even know why I did it, something had happened, but it wasn't too bad and I have gone through much worse things. I am feeling really ashamed, and guilty. I never wanted to sh, and I am terrified I will do it again. It didn't help me at all, and I didn't feel the way I have heard a lot of people say they feel when they do it. But it also may be because I didn't even really feel it; doing the things I mentioned above do help me. I am just so overwhelmed. I don't know what's going to happen now.
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