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conscientiousStrawberries6907
1 59 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 2, 2024
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Needing Advice
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousStrawberries6907
Last post
 October 11th
...See more My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. He’s my best friend and we’re both military. We’ve lived together since the start of our relationship and have been doing long distance for the past 6 months. For the past year I have struggled with my own mental health and the journey of starting medication and a job change because of it. Long story short, I wasn’t being very supportive throughout my process of healing and he wasn’t seeking out resources and kept all of his stress and feelings bottled up. He tried to break up with me a few months ago very suddenly and we discussed it and decided to make some life changes to be healthier/more independent. Because I was seeing success in medication and therapy, these changes worked well for me. He felt better seeing me healthier but struggled with his own changes. I noticed some concerning behaviors; sudden unprompted sadness, mood swings, uncharacteristic anger, lack of sleep, struggling to eat well/exercise, and telling me he was lonely. I didn’t want to jump the gun so early in his healing process and tell him that I think he’s depressed. I asked him to start going to therapy to have a neutral third party to open up to where he felt safe. When he went to his first session a few months later he said that talking to someone made him realize that he isn’t as happy as he should be and that we had to breakup, again very suddenly. He says he doesn’t know if he loves me the same way anymore even though he has been so loving and encouraging. He says that he doesn’t know if he sees a future for us anymore. The whole thing was so sudden considering that he was always talking about how much he misses me and how happy he is with the changes we made.  He asked for time and space when I asked if we could talk about this again. We have been no contact for two weeks. I want to reach out in a non-confrontational way (maybe through a short letter) and tell him that I’m there for him if he wants to talk, that he isn’t alone, and that I love him. I want him to know that I understand what he’s feeling as I had similar thoughts and feelings when my mental health was challenged but I was much further in my mental health journey. He stood by my side through all of the challenges and uncertainty and I want so badly to do the same for him. I want to respect his boundaries but I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to have a discussion about it when he’s ready.  In desperate need of advice, I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. I truly believe he still loves me but doesn’t want to drag me down like I did to him. I really need guidance on loving and supporting someone who pulls away when they struggle, as my tendency is to pull people in close.
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