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communicativeTortoise3895
357 M Embraced 3
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts49 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceNovember 6, 2023
Recent forum posts
I'm new and I'm not sure how to title
Depression Support / by communicativeTortoise3895
Last post
 November 8th, 2023
...See more Hello, I am not really sure how to open one of these so I hope that is okay. I have had this feeling for around three years now. It can only be described as when it has just rained and the air feels heavy. I know this may not be a completely substantial metaphor for what I am describing but it is hard and I am trying. It is like I can no longer do all of the things that everyone else can. I am unable to sleep for longer than around an hour anymore, some of my friends have pointed out the dark marks that have been forming under my eyes which I had tried to hide with some form of concealer. They do not seem to understand that I do not mean to be irritable or cold when they talk to me but it is like I can no longer control it. I am always stuck with this feeling that just never seems to want to go away and it is getting really tiring and slightly annoying. I understand that I am not exactly a expressive person but for once it would be nice for people to take the hint rather than me be forced into having a long conversation about the subject with them. This may not be relevant at all and may be completely wasting your time but I am starting to find this whole situation annoying because I just want to be like my friends but all of my energy is pretty much sucked out of me the second I have to socialise normally or even just smile at my parents.
I'm not sure what to do
Anxiety Support / by communicativeTortoise3895
Last post
 November 11th, 2023
...See more I'm not that good at describing it so I hope you don't mind. I've always experienced some form of anxiety but until recently it has just been something that occasionally comes and goes. Recently though it has gotten worse. I sometimes feel as though I cant breathe and no matter how hard I try it won't stop. I'm not sure how to refer to these ' episodes' so I may alternate between two names. When they happen I feel my head get sort of light, my chest tightens and you know in films when they are sort of watching themselves do things? It's kind of like that. Like I'm watching a film of myself. The really bad ones are the ones where I only remember them starting and ending. The ones that happened most recently were last night, the first was short but the second was one of the long ones I mentioned and the most I remember is it ending. When these happen everything goes grey but not black so idk why that is. After these attacks, I usually struggle to hold a conversation so I try to just sort of lie there not doing anything in particular. I've noticed that it is easier for me to recover from them when I lie on a hard surface like the bathroom floor.
My nan
Grief & Loss / by communicativeTortoise3895
Last post
 November 9th, 2023
...See more It all feels so incredibly stupid. It has been nearly three years since my nan died and I'm only just actually thinking about it. She was ill for a while, and I knew. I was the first one out of my siblings to be told as I am the oldest but I hated it. I hated that I was old enough to know but not old enough for anyone to speak to me about it. I hated that it was all happening so quickly. I hated basically watching her disappear each time I visited. When she died it was a Sunday I think. It had been an okay day and me and my sister sat in our beds talking like we usually did. I remember hearing my dad leaving but I thought he had work or something. An hour or two passed before my mum came upstairs. She had been crying I could tell. She then told us that she died and I cried for like five minutes then stopped and would only do this once more when my mum sat me down and asked if I wanted to go to her funeral. I remember being annoyed for months. Not at anyone in particular, just everything irritated me. I remember thinking that I visited her every week but missed the one that was most important. I told my mum it was because I had a headache but I think we both knew that I was lying. I was scared. I was scared of seeing her and not knowing what to say or do. I knew I couldn't cry in front of her because it wasn't my illness. I didn't know that would be my last chance to speak to her, I thought I would see her the following week but I never did. She left me her necklace that I dont think I had ever seen her not wearing and I think I have only opened the box once. I tried last night but everytime I got close I felt my chest tightening and it was like I couldn't breathe. It was late so I couldn't say anything, but I slowly felt myself enter the stage of these attacks where its like I'm watching if you know what I mean? I then accidentally turned the box over and saw the note my aunt had written and it made it worse. I'm not sure how many times these im not sure whether to call them attacks or episodes but i don't know how long they lasted. I don't remember a lot from them except I remember feeling cold and alone. It sounds so selfish for me to be complaining about this but it did.
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