Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Samickle
104 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceJune 19, 2023
Recent forum posts
In love with an alcoholic
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Samickle
Last post
 September 5th, 2023
...See more I’m looking for some perspective and advice. I’m in a relationship with someone who reignited what I thought was long gone… my ability to love. He’s thoughtful, generous, and just someone I can be completely myself with. …unless he’s had too much to drink. He hasn’t reached the point of hard liquor yet, only beer, but I have a fear that it isn’t far off. He is, for the most part, a functional alcoholic. He drinks starting anywhere from 10a and continues throughout the day. It began when his wife of 14 years left him for another man. A solid foundation for such a sinister addiction. I found out not long after we decided to be exclusive, so I knew what I was doing… just didn’t completely understand yet. I had already been swept away by the starting twitterpation. It started with a few crazy fights that were far too intense early on and I initially thought that it was just us. We just didn’t fit. Until I noticed a pattern colliding with how much he had throughout the day. He would apologize and rationally explain what was going on in his mind during the argument. While he’s addressed/admitted that he’s an alcoholic and that he wants to stop, he refuses to find a solution. I don’t fully understand it well enough to take a stance. I don’t want to be an enabler, but it’s also still only 8 months in and I don’t feel like I have a right to ask him to. He said it was going to be hard for him to get past and, being the foolish optimist that I am, I told him that I would hold on. my friends have told me that it’s better for for both him and me to walk away and let him figure out his path. Is it selfish for me to stay? I can say that I love him. I know this because of the small things… quirks, the easy we communicate, the perfect fold under his arm for my sharp shoulder blades… the way that I shifted from hating the way he treated me when he was drunk to worrying about it cutting his life short or lowering his quality of life with a disability. We would be fine for a week and then he would blow up about something very small. He’s never been violent… only incredibly hurtful. A few times even claiming that he has no emotions and could care less about me. This is all wiped away with an apology a few days afterward. I’m trying so hard not to take some things he says personally, but it does occasionally tear me down. i don’t know what to do… I want him in my life but is that only hurting him more? I don’t expect a solution or even suggestions… I just need something… some kind of perspective from another person who has been on his side of the road. thank you for taking the time to read this… I’m literally sitting in my apartment, moping after one of these arguments flushed me from his house. I have learned to sit and wait for him to calm down and reach out to me, because rationality goes out the window when I try to reason or even agree… every response I give would be seen as some hidden agenda/manipulation/sarcasm. So I just stay quiet and wait.
Search more from @Samickle
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
5 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion
Report an issue