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NegativeMagnet
4,698 M Seeking Light 6
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts90 Forum posts1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceDecember 24, 2017
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Experience(or lack thereof) with Relationship OCD, need pointers
OCD & Related Behaviors / by NegativeMagnet
Last post
 February 13th
...See more I was recently diagnosed with ASD and OCD, and I've never had a relationship before. My current partner is a longtime friend of mine(nearly a decade), and we've really hit it off. We're a lot alike, we can truly be ourselves without feeling the need to wear masks, and they're a joy to be around. My dilemma is an awkward combination... I'm overstimulated very easily by socializing - a few hours spent with them is exhaustive even though I have a great time. We message each other every day, and while I love hearing about their day and sharing mine with them, catching up on several lengthy messages is sometimes too much. I'm open and honest with these feelings, and they're incredibly patient and understanding with my disposition... but I feel incredibly guilty for having to cancel or space our hangouts apart by days so that I can "recharge." This leads into my OCD, in which twists this my brain to mean that I do not love my partner, that I dread spending time with them, and that I am stringing them along - all while using my lack of relationship experience and neurodivergence as ammunition. It's diabolical, and as much as I protest it and acknowledge it's the illness, I often cave and spiral at the mercy of my compulsions... incessantly Googling unhelpful, nebulous questions like "What does love feel like?", "How do I know if I'm in love?", "Do I really love my partner?", etc. As of writing this, I'm on the track to receiving the help I need, but it could take time. I feel this chipping away at me day by day, poisoning this newfound happiness. I shouldn't be feeling this way, I should be happy with my partner, spending time with them, living and being free. I want to be clear that I do not wish for reassurance, as from little I know about OCD, it isn't constructive and only feeds the illness. What I'd like, if anything, are any pointers or exercises for how to reroute/shut down these thoughts or avoid giving into the compulsions. Thank you so much for reading.
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