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Justmekoo
11,969 M Pacing Forward 6
PathStep 32 Compassion hearts94 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceDecember 14, 2017
Recent forum posts
Relapsing after 2 years
Self-Harm Recovery / by Justmekoo
Last post
 June 23rd, 2023
...See more ️ trigger warning ️ I have been fighting with self harm and depression for almost 4 years. Attempted self harm few times before I had the courage to fight against it with the help of my therapist. I don't go to therapy anymore because I have been doing very well. my boyfriend talked about suicide and went awol for 24hrs today. After multiple attempts to reach him, I got a hold of him, he is ok and doing ok. And I am so so thankful for that. As hypocritical this sounds for me to say I am relapsing thinking about self harm, that's exactly what's on my mind now. The emotions I am going through, makes me doubt myself and makes me want to give up. It was so stressful, it's been hours and I can't stop shaking. , it still lingers and it's hard for me. It's a trigger for me. And it makes me want to do it. I have the means for it. Everytime I relaps, I think to myself it takes months to build myself and a second to break me. Is it really worth it?
I am not sure if this is self harming
Self-Harm Recovery / by Justmekoo
Last post
 May 11th, 2022
...See more Trigger warning ️ I don't have anyone to share this with. My therapist bailed on me this week. It's been very tough. I recently got the courage to start therapy. I have been to 1 session. I think it helped a bit. I wasn't feeling up to going for a 2nd session because I felt ashamed. But I forced myself to go. I waited in full on anxiety mode, one foot out of the door for my turn, the receptionist said the doctor cancelled after 40mins. I walked back home relieved and disappointed. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like the universe was against me. I had been thinking about self harming for a couple of days and I even planned a day to do it. I am still thinking about it. I cut off my connection with everyone lastnight. And nobody seems too bothered by it. I have been in my room for 24hours taking a bunch of pills and surviving because I cannot bring myself to cut myself yet. I am tired. I am so tired.
Pretending I am ok
Self-Harm Recovery / by Justmekoo
Last post
 December 23rd, 2019
...See more I am not doing so great. I have been up the whole night googling ways to die. I started with painless ways to do it. Later on realized it doesn't matter if it hurts because it will be over soon anyways. I have been having this thought on and off for almost an year now. Failed 3 times. Sick of failing , don't want to fail again. I haven't tried cutting yet, but I often entertain the idea. Haven't got the guts yet, but hopefully one day I will. People I have told about my mindset don't want to talk to me about this. They like to pretend I am ok, so I got good at hiding my feelings. But all I want to do is scream I am not ok. I just want someone to hold me while I cry my feelings out.
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