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BellaTora
1 117 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceNovember 16, 2021
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When you're the Toxic one
35 & Over Community / by BellaTora
Last post
 November 16th, 2021
...See more Toxic, what a word! Powerful and incredibly demeaning. This is what I've been told I am lately, I'm toxic, unstable, abusive mentally and physically. Having had an unbelievably difficult past, I never wanted to become my step father or toxic mother, yet here I am the girl who has rages at 37 years of age! That in times of jealousy or discomfort I hit where it hurts verbally predominantly but on occasion breaking stuff and rarely but still lashing out physically. How to make it stop when the thoughts just don't, the crazy mill won't slow down. I'm rational, kind, funny with a big heart most of the time but when the ugly monster rears its head I'm disgusting excuse of a human being out to maim and cause pain. How to end this before it ends me. Low self esteem is most definitely a part but why can't I be normal?
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