What do I say to people that ask about my scars without making them uncomfortable?

I want to let you know how kind it is that you are thinking of other people's comfort! And- and- and.... your comfort counts too dear. Preface - i have many many visible scars of my own. From decades old track marks, self harm, abuse and accidents and everything in between. i used to worry about them and try to hide them. Now i am ok with them. Even proud- like a testament that life was not so soft on me yet here i am- surviving and Thriving. If tattoos and piercings are socially acceptable - why not scars? Short answer- If they bother someone else- then that is their problem. However - i understand that life is not always so cut and dry. and of course you may not feel the same as i do. So- it depends. What "people" are you speaking of? Strangers, co-workers, acquaintances, friends/family? You never have to share anything you do not want to. None of yoyr business is always a good idea. And if you do feel like sharing- why not be honest? The level of detail is up to you- from "i don't want to talk about it" to "that's something that happened in the past" to "one day {this happened}". It's important to remember your comfort counts. You count. It is up to you and your choice. 🙏🏽#biglove tcl

You shouldn't worry much about making others uncomfortable when they are not respecting your boundaries. But, you could try saying something like this if you want: "Oh, I understand what you're saying but, I really don't feel comfortable talking about this topic, could we change the subject?" At first it might seem rash, but, being honest with friends and people around you can be a good thing. That's how people will learn about limits, sometimes we need to communicate how uncomfortable we feel so that others can make better decisions in the future. Don't be afraid to speak for yourself.

You do not need to tell anyone anything that you do not feel comfortable with. You should only be willing to tell someone when you are ready, not when they are. Allowing someone into your life to experience your scars is a big leap into trusting that person with some of your pain. I know that it is difficult for me to open up about my scars with others. Just letting them know that you are not ready to talk about them is a good place to start. They should respect your decision and be willing to give you the time to heal and grow.

You do not have to answer them if you aren't comfortable with it. If you choose to, you could be honest. You aren't responsible for how another person feels though. If they ask, they want to know, so they are taking that chance on getting an answer they might not want to hear. But chances are they already know the answer and might want to hear what you say about it. People have a natural curiosity when they see something that they are not used to seeing and/or that is different. Just remember that you are allowed to speak the truth regardless of what someone else might feel.

I would say that it was from a time in my life when i struggled to process my emotions without harming myself, or that it was from a time when I struggled to love/care for/see myself as worthy of those feelings so I took it out on myself when I was unable to cope with difficult feelingsthey least, for me personally, these were all reasons I later uncovered and still struggle with sometimes. I like to let others know that its ok to struggle, if they too have SH'd, or if they are just curious, that it isn't generally done out of selfishness or a desire for attention, etc, like some people will try to blame people on when they struggle with self harm.

It is your choice whether you want to reveal or keep your scars hidden, you can change your choice whenever you feel to do so. You can tell them that there was a period of your life where you went through some bad times and that you dont want to talk about. If they keep prying, tell them that you're not comfortable talking about this issue and try to change the subject. Your feelings are completely valid, and you should focus on them first. In the end of the day, your scars are yours alone and no-one except you knows the story behind them. If it is someone with genuine and kind intentions, then be open with them.

Self harm scars are very personal and it can be easy for you and others to see them as a direct negative indicator of life experience. It is a scar, afterall. It is evidence of real trauma. And that makes people uncomfortable as standard. Learning to talk about self-harm and suicide are important to battling the stigma that perpetuates it. We have to push through the obvious/definitive discomfort to get to the point; that these scars exist, they exist for a real reason, that they have meaning and purpose, that they are allowed to exist as much as the experience did. Sometimes I find even assuring the person it is okay to look and to ask questions makes it an easier subject to cover and explore with less fear or judgement.