Sometimes I want to die, but I'm scared of what will happen if I do. I am not sure if this is normal or not. What does this mean?

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way and having such a hard time. I can hear how hard things are for you. I can't say whether what you're feeling is normal or not but what I can tell you is if you are feeling that way, it is valid. You are heard and seen. I do want to let you know there are so many resources for you to reach out to for support if you need it. You can see international crisis resources here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines I really do hope that you are able to get support