My daughter told me she self-harms but I don't understand, what does it feel like to do something like this to cope?

Our brains cycle through thoughts at an oftentimes-overwhelming pace. Self harm can be a really good way to feel control over the things that hurt, which does sound kind of strange, especially to those who haven't been through it. Your daughter may self harm for a various amount of reasons - to feel that control of her own pain, to release endorphins, to deal with emotional pain. Please just remember to be supportive during this time, and just listen to her. Don't brush off her feelings, listen to her; kids say more than you think, you just have to listen carefully. It's normal to not understand, but the two of you can get through this together with some communication and an open mind. :)

Some people think they deserve to self harm. Some people don't know how else to cope with suicidal thoughts, depression or anxiety, so they turn to harming themselves to feel normal/happy/relieved from the pain and stress.

There are lots of reasons people self harm. To understand why your daughter does talk to her - listen don't judge and show her she has your understanding and support.

Your daughter needs professional help. I will refer you to a helpline, and suggest that you make an appointment with your family physician or someone else who you can trust in the medical / psychiatric field.

As someone who self harms (not by cutting, but by punching, nipping and biting), it takes away the pain for a split second. Crazy given it hurts in the first place, but momentarily it stops the pain of everything else.

Self harming comes from different spaces. It can come from a place where there is little feeling of control of yourself or your life. But it can also come from a place where it is a release of hard to manage feelings. Its an outlet of emotion. Trying to find less harmful ways of releasing these emotions can be better long term.

It feels good at first, because you're back in control of how you feel or feeling at all, but then it gets worse because just like how you felt powerless with your emotions, you now feel the same way self-harming. It's a destructive cycle, but you're scared to stop because you don't know what to do if you stop.

Self harming is something many teens do to cope; and from personal experience, it takes away the pain and makes life more manageable for that moment. I have been clean from self for awhile now, so if she needs someone to talk to, I'd be happy to help. Hope everything works out for you and your daughter! Best wishes, -Alexis

Your daughter may be self-harming for any variety of reasons, so I may not be able to tell you exactly why she did it or exactly how it felt for her; however, as someone who has struggled with self-harm, I can tell you about my personal experience. I self-harmed because I was distraught and I felt completely alone, like not one single person in the world cared enough to listen to me. In a way, I guess, cutting made me take my mind off things. The simplicity of the pain helped me to clear my mind, as though a great storm inside my head was suddenly calmed, suddenly satisfied. I took to doing it whenever I felt as though my emotions were storming; when I was angry, sad, confused, or scared, I took it out on my wrist, simply because there was no other outlet. There was no one to turn to. Your daughter's case may be different, so you should talk to her, but just make sure that she isn't alone in this. Please don't leave her alone in this, because my father did, and since then. it's been three years of struggling on my own. No matter what you do, listen to her, because I know that if I'd had someone listening, things might have turned out differently.

Self-harm is a tough topic. Especially when you have someone such as your daughter doing it. Self-harm could mean more than one thing. For example, snapping a rubber band repeatedly on your wrist could be caused by anxiety or irritation. Along with that, there are many other ways, worse ways, that one can self-harm. To do this to cope feels numb. It makes you not feel anything especially if someone has been doing it for a period of time. It can be used as a punishment, an apology, or a distraction. In the moment you feel everything and nothing all at once. You feel something release inside of you, kind of like a pressure. It's hard after someone starts to stop because the feeling can be addicting. The numb feeling inside combined with the pressure of pain being released can make someone want to do it more.