I harm myself on purpose. I never do it because I need to cope, I do it because I like the pain and like to have something on my body. I know I should stop, but I don't want to. Why is that?

Often in times of deep sadness a feeling of becoming numb to emotional distress can occur. People who can’t fully connect with their emotions may seek physical stimulus to fill this gap. When somebody is feeling down of course pain can become an unfortunate choice, along with potential substance usage. But variations of self harm can be performed in many different ways, the accessibility for it may lead to it being the default choice and to gain a sense of response and control over oneself’s body. If you happen to notice behaviour of self harm or partake in it yourself then please try to reach out. They may feel isolated but there are always resources and people available and willing to help!

Ask yourself if it is just the physical pain you like, and to what extent. Do you get the same kind of feeling (liking it) when you are in emotional distress? Additionally, how much pain do you typically give yourself, and do you only like it when you yourself do it, or when others do it as well? This is a hard question to answer with limited information. However, you should consider how stressed out you have been recently. When in extreme stress, the brain shuts off emotions in a way to prevent the stress from getting worse. With physical pain, it is possibly your body and brain's way of letting you feel something in extreme stress.

I am sorry you feel to hurt yourself to feel. I may not give advice, but I can listen and be supportive in your journey. I cannot support if you are having thoughts on ending your own life. Please contact your nearest suicide helpline if you feel that way. Can you tell me more on how you feel about why you need the pain? I might not be able to relate and give advice, but I will do my best to guide you to getting to a solution which is suitable for you. Please tell me more on how you are feeling?