I (as a self-harmer) really enjoy looking at other people self-harm scars. If a person (in a video, for example) have them I stop the video to take a better look at them, staring at them. Why?

This action is called triggering, it sounds weird but I actually have done this myself. if you are trying to stay clean and you watch the videos, it might be you trying to accept you wanting to, unfortunately, I cannot tell you why you do it because everyone who deals with this has their reasons, but if you are worried about this you can always bring it up with a counselor or even a listener here on 7 cups. Sometimes by looking at self-harm or the scars can make us "happy" so to speak even without doing it ourselves, again, I don't fully understand why. a great way you could think about this is like getting a like on Facebook or social media it makes us happy. i hope this makes sense and might help a little. Stay strong!