married to a narcissist, can he really change for the better?

Narcissistic people can be both mentally and physically damaging evoking stress, anxiety, and fear upon whom they have a relationship with. If you have had multiple conversations and confronted your husband about how he may be hurting or controlling you, and you see no difference than the chances of him changing are slight. One important question to ask yourself is "what am I getting out of this relationship? Do the cons outweigh the pros?" You should also reflect how he effects your mental health and envision and communicate what you would like differently; if he denies or proves he won't consider than the likelihood of change is scarce. If you do not feel comfortable communicating your needs for the relationship to him, keep in mind communication is necessary for a healthy relationship.

I wish the answer to your question was as easy as a yes or no. However, it's not. One part of me wants so badly to say yes... because I am a person who believes people can change for the good. But deep down, as someone who has known and been close to a narcissist, there's another part of me that believes the small potential for change is ultimately not worth the pain. I know, it saddens me saying this because I am a person who does not believe in throwing people away for things they may or not not be able to help. I know people say narcissists are incapable of making an emotional connection with others. Maybe they are because they lack what it is needed to be empathetic. Maybe they really are incapable of these things and more. Change involves actually wanting to. What is there to do when the narcissist can not openly admit there is a problem? What is there to do when the narcissist does not want to continue or seek therapy? It's not like you can force the narcissist to go. You can encourage, of course, but not force. Then what? You've put x amount of time into this relationship for what? I know for me, I tried to love and love and it cost me... well, me. I put myself on the back burner and subjected myself to constant heartache and pain all because of my love for this person. And honestly, the point came where I had to choose to love myself more. In your situation, only you know what you are able, capable, and willing to put up with. Ultimately, whatever you choose I truly hope it is a decision that you can live with. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I wish true, positive change for your husband.